Will Smith and James Lassiter TV Script Contest

I just found out about this. Not much time left. Yet, regardless, some nice insight about writing for TV or movies.
http://www.scriptwritercontest.com/

AFTER EARTH Trailer No. 2

STAR WARS Moral Premise and Nicomachean Value Chart

REVISED 3-14-2013

Dear Story Writers and Story Fans:

Here is a chart that a reader egged me into doing. Some of these classics should have been done years ago, but time is of an essence, as it is now.... and I don't have time to write much of an explanation. But if you read my KITE RUNNER blog I think you'll be able to understand this. Feel free to challenge and suggest other ways to express this.

I think this is the first time I've used the virtue MEEKNESS in a moral premise analysis. That's probably because I've never understood the term until recently. Culturally it has a pansy reputation, but when the Godfather says, "Let me make you an offer..." that's meekness, although a frightful kind.

ZERO HOUR and TOO MANY HOOKS

Perhaps before reading this, a brief primer on "hooks" is in order.  HERE.

Now, on to ZERO HOUR and the problem of too many hooks. It provides a great lesson for people writing stories who want to over-the-top-amaze. Don't. I just read where the TV drama series ZERO HOUR is being cancelled after only 3 outings. Not familiar with it, I found its Wikipedia site, which is probably edited by the show's creator Paul T. Scheuring.

Here's the basic plot:

Hank Galliston (Anthony Edwards), publisher of a paranormal-enthusiast magazine, while trying to save his abducted wife Laila (Jacinda Barrett), learns that he must also save the world from an impending cataclysm.

Conventional wisdom is that a story can have one hook, or maybe two if the second is a subset or is embedded in the first. Recall that a hook is an ironic impossibility (or improbability) that the storytellers need to make reasonable (i.e. believable.) Everything else about the story should be real (not an impossibility) so as to give the audience a footing in reality. The reality connection allows the audience to IDENTIFY with one or more of the characters.  When there are too many hooks the audience can be lost trying to identify with the characters because so few plot elements have a basis in the audience's reality. One hook is entertaining, two or more are confusing.

So, in the basic plot above we have three hooks:

1. paranormal
2. abducted wife
3. world cataclysm

Now, it does seem that the three could be connected logically: the paranormal entities abduct the wife in the process of destroying the earth.

What is unnerving is this plot summary is there's no real and logical connection between paranormal activity, wife abductions and world cataclysms. None. I think Mr. Scheuring and his EP's at ABC are hitting something pretty hard during development and production.  Give your audience one, not all three, and they may buy into the story line long enough to suspend believe.

Well, if that's not bad enough, here's plot summary for Episode 1.  Take a deep breath, this never seems to stop with the hooks:

Hank Galliston publishes the magazine Modern Skeptic, which focuses on the paranormal. His wife Laila buys a unique-looking clock from a boardwalk vendor and is later abducted. FBI Agent Riley arrives to show Hank and his copy editors, Arron and Rachel, video footage of Laila's abduction. The screen freezes on mercenary White Vincent, with whom Riley is familiar. Hank disassembles Laila's clock to find a flawed diamond. With light shone through it, the stone refracts a map. Hank shows the map and its markings to Father Mickle (Charles S. Dutton), a priest who talks of a language that died in the 2nd century. The priest also mentions the Rosicrucians, a group of Christian mystics of the time, and place called New Bartholomew. The map diamond is left with the priest and Vincent later assaults him, collecting the diamond. Hank leaves his team behind and travels to where New Bartholomew should be, with Agent Riley in tow, as she tells him White Vincent's terrorist history. Arron and Rachel travel to Bavaria to find the clock maker (Jan Tříska), who wears a Rosicrucian cross. He informs them that after the Nazis created a new "eternal life," the Church appointed twelve new "apostles" that assembled in 1938 to protect the war-torn world from doom. A clock was created for each. The apostles then scattered to hide from the Nazis. New Bartholomew was not a place, but one of the apostles. Hank finds the place on the map where New Bartholomew is located. It is a German submarine, stuck in Canadian ice, with some dead people inside including New Bartholomew, who resembles Hank. Outside, Vincent arrives as the clock maker's voiceover warns of the approaching tumultuous "zero hour".

 Here are the improbables for me, your improbables may vary. Any one of these is cool. Trying to find a foundation in reality with ALL of these in one episodes makes me dizzy ... with laughter.

1. A magazine business that investigates the paranormal (actually that there's an audience for such a magazine and advertisers enough to keep it financially viable is the hook).
2. A unique-looking clock. (Unique = none else like it in the WORLD)
3. Someone is abducted. The sentence construction leaves me unsure if Laila or the vendor is abducted (the antecedent is...?)
4. There's video footage of the abduction so clear that we can identify the perp (which is really the hook that CSI has made famous)
5. The clock has a "flawed" diamond inside. (who knew????)
6. The diamond is really a PowerPoint slide of a map. (the other hook here is that there's a projector blub so sharp and small that it can shine THROUGH a diamond, and yet another hook is that the CSI detectives they hired from Jerry Bruckheimer for this series can figure out  what facet of the diamond to project the  light through.)
7. Charles Dutton is playing a priest... yet again. (I guess that's not an improbable)
8. There's a mystical decoder language that died in the 2nd century but it's useful today)
9. The are Christian mystics (who also died in the 2nd century but are relevant today)
10. Vincent is a terrorist who kidnaps people (who knew?)
11. The clock maker has survived the 2nd century and is hiding diamonds in clocks with maps.
12. The Nazi's created a new "eternal life."  (who makes up this stuff?)
13. The Catholic Church has created 12 new apostles. (the original 12 are mystical enough. I guess we couldn't figure them out so we set them aside and created 12 we could understand.)
14. There are 12 clocks, with 12 diamonds no doubt, with 12 maps. That's enough for 1,728 episodes.... which sort of reminds me of Earl's list, from "My Name is Earl" which gets longer with every episode.).
15. The 12 apostles carrying these 12 clocks (which are no longer unique clocks because there are 12 of them) are running around the world with clocks under their arms hiding form the Nazi's. (is this an undercranked silent movie?)
16. One of the new apostles is stuck in a German submarine.
17. The German submarine is stuck in Canadian ice
18. There are dead people "on ice" in the submarine
19. New Bartholomew looks like Hank

HOW IS THE MORAL PREMISE EVIDENT IN EVERY SCENE?

Recently I received a gracious letter from Sina H. Pour with a question attached. (Sina gave me permission to use his full name.) He's a film worker based in Stockholm, Sweden and an aspiring screenwriter.  Since I had recently completed a screenplay that violated one of my own rules, which was also at the root of Sina's question, I thought I should write a blog to myself in answer. 

Here 's the question with one of the gratifying things he said about The Moral Premise. Thanks, Sina for your kinds words; they keep me going. 

SINA'S QUESTION

The moral premise should be evident in every scene, but what does this mean in practice? How is the moral premise made evident in EVERY scene? Is it only the vice for the first half of the film and the virtue for the second or the entire premise for every scene throughout the movie?

I truly hope you are able to answer this cry for help, but most of all I hope you see this as an honest testament of the power of your book and how it has affected writers across the globe. Your work is of great importance to us and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

MY RESPONSE

Dear Sina:

The variations on what I explain below are infinite, and may not be as obvious to the audience as I will try to make the example below. Movies work because they force the audience to work. How does the audience work? They work to fill in the narrative gaps purposely left by the screenwriter, director, and editor to create intrigue, suspense, identification, that is the dramatic force that keeps the story ever moving forward. That story "work ethic" is involved in what I'm about to explain, but at a subtle level. A layer purposely made subtle of the filmmakers.

CONFLICT OF VALUES

As you know EVERY act, EVERY sequence, EVERY scene, and EVERY exchange of dialogue, (or cut in an action sequence) is the result of CONFLICT. To keep it simple, if two people are in a scene, they are each trying to get the other to do something. Those "somethings" are opposite in some way. The conflict is the consequence of the two characters embodying or subscribing to opposite moral values, e.g. greed vs. generosity. Each is trying to get the other to change. To some degree, along the journey, this happens in different ways, in different strengths, and with different sub-plots in every scene.

Thus every scene will embody in some way the greed vs. generosity concept of values, which forms the motivational basis for the moral premise statement...

greed leads to _____ but,

generosity leads to _________.

Greed and Generosity are like two themes... one dealing with the motivation to give and the other dealing with the motivation to take. e.g.

Greed leads to isolation and sadness, but

Generosity leads to friendships and joy.

What gives a story deep interest, while still being about the same thing, is that greed and generosity can apply to many aspects of a person's life.

WELL ROUNDED CHARACTERS

One character may be greedy with money, but the other may be greedy with time. Each of these aspects of their lives can serve to generate subplots. In this case, you have two subplots but one Conflict of Values, or one moral premise.

A character can also be greedy with possessions, or status, or appearance (e.g. "One character is driven to always look better than another.") At the same time these characters' counterparts may be more generous with money, time, possessions, status or appearance (e.g. "I don't mind looking like the slob if it makes you look better.")

Of course when a character takes a journey they take both a physical journey and a psychological journey. Making it simple: a protagonist at the beginning of a movie may be generous with her time, but greedy with possessions. We will see that contradiction or conflict in her life as she interacts with another character who has the opposite motivations, e.g. he is generous with his money, but greedy with his time. Conflict. As the story progresses the characters change for reasons that are logical based on the experiences put upon them by the writer-filmmaker. Such experiences, or scenes and sequences are logically connected by cause and effect as we find in Natural Law. And so, in every scene there is both a subtle and an explicit representation of the two values. And to say it again, there may be only those two UNIVERSAL values, but if there are five characters each pursuing goals in different aspects of their lives, we  may have a dozen different expressions of greed and generosity that show up in the various scenes of the film.

CHARACTER MOTIVATIONS

It's important that the character's outward actions are motivated by their internal values. In a movie most of what you show is a character's actions, (with some dialogue to tell the audience what's hard to show.) But just as real people take no action without being motivated by a value (i.e. "value" = "moral motivation"), so your characters must not act without being motivated by a value.

METAPHORS

Now, in really good movies the physical story will be a metaphor for the psychological journey. That is how the audience SEES what's going on INSIDE the characters. Thus, the hero may want to be elected to an important office because she is greedy for power. Wrong reason. And as a result of that vice in her life (a greedy lust for power) she can't make progress because the town's people see what she is like and they won't vote for her or help her. But when visiting the home of a friend our hero meets a little crippled girl who can't walk very easily or get around the house. She likes to sit by the window, and look down on the street but she can't always get up to the wide windowsill. But she is naturally generous with her time and she makes a pretty flower with paper for her big brother. She does it out of the generosity of her heart. And he, naturally, wants to show his appreciation to her for her love, and so he says, "Hey, sis, would you like to sit up on the sill and watch the people and cars." She smiles real big... and her brother lifts her up and puts her on the sill. Now, our hero, who is visiting the family for something he didn't really want to be there for (she's greedy with her time)... sees this beautiful act of generosity (actually two acts of generosity), and it connects. Our hero realizes that it is not her selfish greedy desire for power that accomplishes things, but the desire of the people when she chooses, for generous (not manipulative) reasons, to serve the people. And it's when she loses her greed for power, and embraces her generosity of time for others, that the people elect her to the seat of power (without her ever trying)... not to rule over them, but to serve them. So, the metaphor of the sister and brother reveals the journey our hero must take from her vice of greed) to the virtue of generosity.

There are many, many ways to make the moral premise practical.

SUBPLOTS & GOALS

The key to telling a well-rounded story about one thing is to examine the lives of each of your characters. Give them goals in various aspects of their lives and then give each of those goals an arc that is describe by the moral premise. Realize that characters can move toward the good, toward the bad, or not move at all, although your protagonist needs to change.

The more prominent the character, the more aspects of their lives your story will investigate. Your hero's life may be examined in this way with say, five different subplots, one of which will be the movie's spine. For example: personal life, professional life, family life, public life, and hobby life. While a very minor character's arc may only involve one aspect and thus one sub-plot: his financial life. Each of those aspects of the character's life needs to have a goal and a moral premise arc -- which constitutes a sub-plot.

FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END

So, in each scene the conflict of values is evident in one or more aspect of a character's life, as they strive toward a goal and meet the challenge that the conflict of values in their lives present. And in good movies, not all characters change dramatically. Humans change slowly. So must your story characters. At the beginning of BRUCE ALMIGHTY, Bruce Nolan has a fear of commitment to Grace (they are not married), and at the end of the movie, although his actions toward Grace have improved (and he's no longer expecting a miracle), that fear of commitment is still evident: although he's introduced her as the future Mrs. Nolan, THEY ARE STILL NOT MARRIED. So from the beginning to the end the two poles of the conflict of values will be evident, but in different amounts as the journey progresses.  (See Table 12 in The Moral Premise).

MY PROBLEM

What was my own rule that I had violated? I had five minor characters that did not have arcs or subplots of their own. They were just there like absent-minded decoration, popping in or out of the story as was convenient.  What was worse, I had been through this particular project over the past 3 years about a dozen times making two major revisions and many other tweaks and polishes.  Finally, finally, something clicked. I think it was a indirect comment from a reader. Suddenly making the next pass jumped to the top of my priority list. Finished it yesterday. Now each of the minor characters have clear beats that correspond to the moral premise and reinforce what the movie is really about. And yes, it stretched the script 4 pages. But the extra length is well worth it. When we do this the story gets better, always. See my post about Tamera Alexander's recent book and the note from her editor. Same thing.

SUGAR MAN IN MY "BACKYARD"

Malik Bendjelloul's SEARCHING FOR SUGAR MAN is a lesson for all us procrastinators and so-called perfectionists. I'm talking about myself. I recently saw a tweet that I've adopted as sort of a New Years Resolution. Whomever tweeted this recently, thank you:

Perfection is the enemy of good.

I keep telling myself that I can't do that film, or that documentary because I don't have the money. God knows I've produced enough stuff, but so much of it is just stuff, or if it's good enough I excuse myself from finishing it because I "say" I don't have the time or money. 

(Okay, so I did get a doc on PBS with a budget of $25 and 6 months of free labor... but c'mon, it's a story about replacing the engines on a boat.)

Along comes Swedish filmmaker Malik Bendjelloul with no money (well, he has a healthy travel budget at least) and an iPhone, takes a four year journey to make a film about a singer-songwriter who's been living within yards of my weekly travels through Detroit. Heck the production company I owned for the first 3 years of it's existence was about 5 miles away from this guy.

Now, I'm not pretending for a moment I could have done what Bendjelloul has done, or make it as good as he's done, or win an Oscar as he so admirably has done. (Did he really shoot this on an iPhone?)  It's not envy. It's inspiration delivered by a switch kick in the ego-butt.

If a guy from Sweeden with an iPhone can find a story in South Africa about a songwriter in Detroit with a true soul who's gone missing for 40 years.... the rest of us have absolutely no excuse. No excuse.

I have an iPhone....and Final Cut... and some good mics... and access to a lot of good stories. What is my problem?

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.

Stephen Tobolowsky on Kevin Pollak

Stephen Tobolowsky is one of Hollywood's best known character actors. Perhaps best known for Ned Ryerson in GROUNDHOG DAY. I started watching this and couldn't stop. Only start this if you have 2 hours.

Larry Jordan and a Great Lesson in Filmmaking

I recommend a subscription to Larry Jordan's YouTube channel. I have frequently referenced his material for help, and I've paid him money for "efficient" help one time.  But here is his best post every. A wonderful short story (a true one) of a great lesson. I recommend it highly to all my students, past and present. Bless you all in your story telling efforts.

Tamera Alexander on Moral Premise Coaching

Tamera Alexander is a best sellling Historical Romance Fiction novelist whose recent novels center on postbellum (Civil War) Nashville. Although she's consulted with The Moral Premise on her work before we met, I've had the opportunity to help Tamera directly on her last two projects. Below is a link to our coaching page on which is a 3.5 min audio snippet from a recent radio interview where she plugs the Moral Premise and how I've helped her in the early stages of her writing.

Tamera's Audio Endorsement is on our Coaching Page.

But as much as she says I help her, I must say that Tamera is very resourceful and comes up with wonderful character ideas, how the character's generally interact and how the story ends. Before she comes to me she's done a ton or historical research. All of that research along with her initial ideas gives me wonderful fodder to help her envision and construct the story's turning points and metaphors.  

In my own fiction writing, I'm a plotter -- and I see metaphors abundantly and clearly. Thus, it is very easy for me to outline scene-by-scene, and establish most of my turning points and twists before I start writing. However, when I write the freshness of the prose suffers from knowing way too much about where the story is going. Thus, I need help keeping the prose spontaneous.

Tamera, on the other hand, is a pantser—she likes to write by the seat of her pants. As a result she says, massive rewrites have been required to fix the novel''s structure and to integrate a consistent conflict of values and the consistent use of metaphors. She claims that as the result of The Moral Premise and our coaching sessions the rewrite process has been dramatically reduced, the metaphors are richer and the plots and subplots more tightly interwoven. Thus, the meaning of the story is richer. On her last book, To Whisper Her Name, her editor at Zondervan wrote this to her.... followed by a comment to me from Tamra:

Dear Tamera,
I have never struggled so much to add value to a manuscript.  To Whisper Her Name is a beautiful love story set against the backdrop of a healing nation.  I loved the characters and couldn’t find a single one that I thought we could do without!  You have captured Belle Meade and its rich history perfectly. 

Tamera here: Thank you again, Stan, for your contribution to plotting this novel. You helped me tremendously in "seeing" more of the story than I've ever seen before. Ready to plot another one? : )

Later, Tamera explained that her editors could not find any story threads to shorten or eliminate because the subplots were so closely interwoven to the main story. They published a book that had many more words in it that they had planned. And all her fans cheered.

Tamera is a very skilled writer. There are times when I will re-read a paragraph several times to enjoy the language. And when we talk about her plot and the metaphors to weave, she gets it quickly.  I'm thrilled to help her see what she's obviously and subconsciously already knows deep in her writer's heart. She is one of my proofs that a good understanding and execution of the story's moral premise, deftly applied to each character's arc, and the attending metaphors reinforce the story's emotional heart and dramatic core. I'm proud to have helped her do that, and it's always fun to read scenes that we devised a year earlier.

Five Stages of Grief

Five Stages of Grief

A useful structural tool is the Kübler-Ross Model of the five stages of grief. In my last workshops I have a slide that lists 7 stages, but I'm going to change that back to 5, because 2 of the 7 are unlike the others. So, 5 it is.  Here's a graphic that somewhat demonstrates the story algorithm. I say, "somewhat" because the ups and downs of one story dynamic to the next are never the same.

Where does this apply? Anytime you have a character going through a very difficult life change — death of someone close, divorce, serious loss of income, professional disappointment -- in short a grieving of any kind. It can just as easily be used in comedy, as Danny Rubin used it in GROUNDHOG DAY. (I've promised Danny to do an analysis on his masterpiece, but will need a couple days to work it out. )

Technique

Although you can structure your story in five acts, or five stages, you're better off foundationally meeting audience subliminal expectations of the 3 Acts with the help of the 13-16 turning points and sequences as described in this blog under Story Structure Basics, in The Moral Premise book, and in other good story technique books (e.g. Hauge, Snyder). Then, layer on the 5 Steps of Grief, if they apply. This will give you more turning points and twists in your story, hopefully positioned where the story is relatively slow. I have, as of this post, updated The Story Diamond Writing Aid, where you'll see the five stages overlapping with everything else. The PDF download is linked below. Click on image.

The Importance of Screenplay Formatting - Part 2

I  hate spending time on this, yet it amusing... and informative.
I'm a story guy. I format screenplays out of necessity. "Structure" (a type of format) is far more important. Yet getting screenplays read by gatekeepers (especially at competitions) seems to be about format and style, and not the story, not the structure—legalism encroaches on art — flat boxes disguised as 3-dimentional curves.

Last year my post "Importance of Screenplay Formats" garnered some pushback. My original intent was to suggest that the story was more important than the format, and yet how some gurus and experts will tell you how utterly important correct format is if anyone is going to read anything you wrote. And there is truth in their assertion. I just question if anyone OF WORTH will read it.

I realize that some folks take pride in measuring indentations and circling in red the use of gerunds, adverbs, scene numbers, and SOUND EFFECTS that are not capitalized. But the sign on my bully pulpit still says: FORGET FORMATTING, just write a good story.

This mantra reminds me of Elmore "Dutch" Leonard, the prolific novelist (and source for a handful of movies, e.g. GET SHORTY) who famous said, (channeling a character from GET SHORTY):

Write the story, then get somebody to add the commas and shit.

Such elegance... and truth.

Yes, a properly formatted script will tell the studio, or any knowledgeable production manager, how long and how much money a script will take to produce. But do you think the delicacies of schedule and budget should effect your story, unless you're writing to a particularly small budget? 

I work on enough scripts that get made by studios, and I have not seen one yet that closely follows the "so called standards."  Yes, they roughly follow. But depending on who you talk to the standards are different. I've seen students criticize the format rules in Christopher Riley's The Hollywood Standard because they weren't like their USC Extension instructor's hand out.

Another thing I hear is this:

When you're famous and have mastered the art of the craft, you can break the rules.

Yes, that too is true. But young artists would be wise to copy the masters -- and that applies to screenwriting as well.

Is it possible for writers trying to break into Hollywood to be minutely concerned with formatting that the story suffers and doesn't rise to the bar? That's an interesting Catch-22.  

Write a good story, let someone else format it. 

To test the structure of my bully pulpit, since I jump up and down on it from time to time, I picked a Hollywood script that I did not work on and one that was successful at the theaters. While reading it I made a list of formatting or writing constructions that would typically cause a reader to stop by page five and throw it into the trash. What follows are 13 of the kind of problems that gurus and contest readers warn will get you rejected immediately.   But yet...well, look at this list, first:

1. Describing what music should play in the background of the movie and listing it by artist and song.
2. Repeated use of the phrase, "we hear...." or "we see..." in action description.
3. Repeated use of pedantic verbs in the action description like "he looks," and "she walks."
4. Describing camera movement, and then doing so in lower case.
5. Use of a voice over narrator to tell the story. (Show, don't tell.)
6. Use of bad grammar, (e.g. use of masculine pronoun with a female antecedent.)
7. Numbering scenes.  (Never do this, we're told, even if it helps annotate feedback.)
8. No visual scene description when entering a new space.
9. Repeated and frequent use of gerunds (ing) and adverbs (ly) in action description.
10. Not formatting "INTERCUTS."
11. Not formatting "MONTAGES."
12. A character does not "begin" to do anything, especially "watch" a "sound". 
13. SOUND EFFECTS are not capitalized.

And what is the script that would be instantly rejected by so called value readers?  STRANGER THAN FICTION (Newmarket Press), by Zach Helm. It was this early version of the script that producer Lindsay Doran initially passed around town, instantly garnering interest from multiple directors and studios begging for the right to participate. Marc Forster and Columbia won. It stars a few names you may have heard of: Will Ferrell, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Dustin Hoffman, Queen Latifah, Emma Thompson, Tony Hale, Tom Hulce, and Linda Hunt.

Do you think these attachments cared about the bad style and formatting? Evidently not.

And how did Zach and Lindsay do it?

A GREAT STORY. The script, even in its early form, is a wonderful read.

Copy the masters. 

The Blind Side - Honor vs. Courage

THE BLIND SIDE

Written and Directed by JOHN LEE HANCOCK

Book: The Blind Side: Evolution of a Game by Michael Lewis

Lee Anne Tuohy (Sandra Bullock)

Sean Tuohy (Tim McGraw)

Michael Oher (Quinton Aaron)

S.J. Tuohy (Jae Head)

Collins Tuohy (Lily Collins)

Coach Burt Cotton (Ray McKinnon)

Miss Sue (Kathy Bates) 

In my workshops I talk a little about THE BLIND SIDE and express my awe at the delicacy of the shallow but poignant arc the characters' journey takes. Today, I was asked by a friend and client about the film's moral premise and how Alfred, Lord Tennyson's poem The Charge of the Light Brigade plays into the story. I had some notes, which I will share below, and perhaps expand on this at some time in the future.

The conflict of values in the story deals with COURAGE vs. HONOR. These both sound like virtues. But as we discover in Act 3, when Michael writes a critical essay, there's a difference. In the Act 3 sequence we discover that the entire movie is about the difference between having raw courage with no honor (which is what the characters in Hert Village demonstrate and temp Michael with), and  having the courage to seek that which is honorable (which is what Lee Anne Touhy teaches Michael).

Here is the poem that Michael critiques, and then a side-by-side script of Michael's essay from the movie that explains the moral premise. At the end I take a stab at the moral premise statement, which I argue EVERY character in the movie deals with in their own unique arc, from the drug dealer at Hert Village, to Lee Anne, to Michael, to the coach and even the English teacher who grades Michael's essay, giving him the GPA that allows him to get into college.

The Charge of the Light Brigade

Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Half a league half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred:
'Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns' he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

'Forward, the Light Brigade!'
Was there a man dismay'd ?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Some one had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do & die,
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd & thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack & Russian
Reel'd from the sabre-stroke,
Shatter'd & sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse & hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder'd.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred! Some notes:

In football, Michael plays the blind side (left) tackle who protects the (right-handed) QB from what he can't see. 

Who is the Blind Side tackle in the story? Is it Lee Anne for protecting Michael Oher from what he can't see? ALSO, Michael says several times he has Lee Anne's back. So, he protects her when they go to the projects. Although she sees perhaps more clearly than Michael and is 'packing.'

At 100 min, after a short inspirational talk with Sean about how The Charge of the Light Brigade is really about LSU vs. Ole Miss football game (or so Sean leads us to think), Michael begins to write his essay, and we discover the inner secrets of what the movie is really about, and what ALL the characters struggle with, some unsuccessfully ending in death, and some with great success ending in a purposeful life.

Picture and notes	Michael's V.O. of his essay about Tennyson's poem.
Michael writes his essay at a table in the Tuohy's home.	Courage is a hard thing to figure. You can have courage based on a dumb idea or a mistake but you're not suppose to question adults,
Montage of Michael's football coach, teachers, principal.	or your coach or your teacher because they make the rules. Maybe they know best, but maybe they don't.
Michael walks past the gang bangers at Hert Village to join the other side. The gang is all about having courage to rebel against adult authority. There's no honor in their courage. The valley of Death to Michael is Hurt Village, which he is walking through.	It all depends on who you are, where you come from. Didn't at least one of the 600 guys think about giving up and joining with the other side (Michael Oher is that one guy.) All his buddies area dead. I mean, valley of Death that's pretty salty stuff.
CUT TO image of high school entrance arch, on which is written: "Wingate Christian School: With Men This is Possible, With God All Things Are Possible".	That's why courage is tricky. Should you always do what others tell you to do?
Lee Anne's mode of operation is always telling others what to do. She is the one in charge. Michael WALKS THROUGH ARCHWAY.	Sometimes you might not even know why you're doing something.
Michael walks into strange classroom with all smaller white kids…his first day. Does he have the courage to seek honor?	I mean any fool can have courage.
Michael sleeps on couch in Touhy's home... an unusual place for him to be.	But honor, that's the real reason you either do something or you don't.
Michael at laundry matt at night with his bag and shirt.	It's who you are and maybe who you want to be.
Sitting in the Laundry Matt reading his biology text book.	If you die trying for something important, then you have both honor and courage, and that's pretty good.
Michael rests his head back on the laundry machine after contemplating his text book. Cut to literature teacher reading essay.	I think that's what the writer was saying. That you should hope for courage and try for honor. And maybe even pray that the people telling you want to do have some too.
Michael's English teacher puts down paper and contemplates his own courage and honor when he earlier rejected Michael's attempts.

Lee Anne, Michael, and Michael's teachers all…. Hope for courage but try for honor….the moral premise arc!

THE MORAL PREMISE

Embracing courage without honor leads to a lost life and dread; but

Seeking honor with courage leads to a fulfilled life and purpose.

Great Stories - True Premises

I lead a bifurcated life when it comes to the types of projects I work on. I find my greatest satisfaction in structuring and writing stories for myself and for my clients. My wife, Pam, and I consume a great many movies and novels; and we're mesmerized by the integrity the best stories have with respect to a true and consistently applied moral premise that informs the metaphors used to do the story telling.

But the other side of my creative life has been involved in helping others produce very didactic series for Catholic television. Yes, we're talking about "talking heads" here. There are times when I don't want anyone to know that I write, produce, direct, edit and distribute such stuff. Not because I don't believe in the messages that the series contain, because I do believe in them. I'm a devout Roman Catholic who loves the Church's teachings. But I am convinced that didactic presentations DO NOT engage audiences very well, nor do they pass on values from generation to generation as well as stories do. But the didactic stuff does explain WHY and WHAT is going on in a psychological and spiritual sense in our lives, and in the lives of characters in stories with true moral premises.

One such connection occurred to me this morning as I was writing collateral materials for a Bible Study series on the Epistle of James that I'm preparing for broadcast. The particular Bible passage that applies to storytelling so well is this:

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  (NAB, James 1:2-4)

This passage hits a particular nail on the head with what we try to do --- or rather, what we MUST DO as storytellers. Our protagonist wants to reach the goal, but to do so our hero must traverse through myriad of trials and sufferings. Why do we drag our heroes through all of that? One answer is because in real life we are dragged through it all. The tests we put our hero through (as well as the trials we go through as humans) will teach our hero (and us) about life. Experience is the best teacher, after all. And simulations (movies) are a close second. Hopefully, in a redemptive story, our protagonist will persevere through the bad stuff and in the process learn something important, so that the end result her or she will be a better person -- and goal of the story achieved.

For the protagonist the "faith" is their belief in the truth of the moral premise. Yet, for them to really, truly believe the truth of the moral premise, we have to take them through hellfire and brimstone, (the testing of their faith as gold is refined with fire), before they get enough sense knocked into them to learn how to navigate life, latch onto what's really important,  develop the nerve to remove their mask of "unbelief," and risk all to persevere through Act 3 to the goal. (Do you see the story structure in that?)

And if our heroes persevere through all that, they can be joyous. Thus, great stories are about characters that learn something that is greater than themselves and persevere against great odds to bring that truth home to themselves and those around them....including us in the theater.

Mary Connealy's MP Gift Basket

A Shout Out of thanks to prolific author Mary Connealy for using the Moral Premise as the center piece of a workshop she presented at her local writer's group in Nebraska. I was introduced to Mary's books when I was preparing to give the pre-conference workshop at the American Christian Fiction Writer's Conference in 2011. Authors who were interested sent me copies of their novels and I read them (a bunch) before the workshop. Mary writes "Romantic Comedy with Cowboys" and she's very good at it. I thorough enjoyed two of her books, smiling and crying all the way through the craziness she comes up with. Mary is also a member of the Seekerville Writer's Group (the Seekers) for whom I've guest blogged a couple times in the past. Thanks, Mary. Keep up the wonderful gift you have.

Story Diamond 4-ft x 8-ft

Making the Story Diamond work in a practical sense as always been a problem, when you extrapolate or beat out the story and identify all the various scenes that have to be strung together. There just isn't enough room on the computer screen (so you can see everything at once), or on a 6-ft double door wall. Besides, with the doorway, it's hard to read the little cards on the inside with a 100w incandescent bulb, when everything outside is lite by the sun.

So, for a current project I purchased a 4-ft x 8-ft sheet of Masonite, mounted it on 1" PVC pipe, and put fixed position casters on the bottom so it would slide back and forth in front of a bookcase behind my desk, but not fore and aft. (so I can get to the books).

Here's a picture of the entire story beat out with all the major scenes summarized on small pieces of paper or cards. (Don't bother trying to read it. It's for a private client and the resolution is such that nothing is readable.)

I'm now in the process of taking each scene summary and writing out the treatment. The outline of the diamond is string stretched across the front and taped to the PVC pipe behind. The "cards" outside the string are the character goal cards and inner psychological beats, and the cards inside the outline are the actual scene/sequence descriptions. At the top of each scene card is a traditional slug line in reverse type. I realize now that I have this backwards. The inner beats (psychological goals) should be on the INSIDE of the diamond, and the external-physical beats (physical action) should be on the OUTSIDE of the diamond.

In the picture, Act 3 appears to be better developed, and it is when I took this picture. I started with the end in mind, and then worked the foreshadowing structure and beats back into Acts 1 and 2. (Begin with the end in mind.) As I write out the treatment it's clear that things have to changed, so I just move the pieces of paper around.

These scene summaries are written in a table on Word, printed on regular 20# paper or 3x5 card stock, cut down to size, and then I smear the back with Elmer's Repositionable Picture and Poster Stick. If you let the glue dry for a minute before putting the paper or card stock on the Masonite, the scenes are indefinitely repositionable.

I had to take this picture outside my office door wall because I could not get back far enough in my office to photograph the whole thing at once. Now, where to store this baby????


A full explanation of the Story Diamond is presented in my On-Line Storycraft Training series.

Great Movies or Stories are about...

Great stories are about 

 CHARACTERS

who stand for something

GREATER THAN THEMSELVES, 

against 

 GREAT ODDS, 

even if they don't know what they're doing, 

but even more so if they do.

I just reread an old Reader's Digest article by John Culhane, Where Great Movies Come From. I don't think it told me, but it did suggest that the great movies (and stories) are about things bigger than the characters -- good value, and to achieve those noble intends sacrifices are welcome.

To quote Culhane:

Critically acclaimed, financially successful and widely honored films are about universal values, that reflect the basic good in people: hard work, self respect, love of family, friends, community and God.

'Such films show us,' says director Mark Rydell, 'how the individual can make a difference—in his own life and the lives of others. ' 

'One of their messages,' says John Avildsen (director of ROCKY), 'is that  ordinary individuals are capable of extraordinary acts.'

The article discusses four films that do this:

• ROCKY
• CHARIOTS OF FIRE
• GANDHI, AND
• DRIVING MISS DAISY

...and how studios rejected the scripts and even the films for distribution after they were made, because the stories did not fit the supposed mold for commercial success. Yet all were very successful.

I am hoping for more visionary investors who see the financial sense of relatively small independent films that can change hearts and be a box office success.

To do that, as writers, producers, and directors, we have to develop stories about characters that stand for something bigger than themselves, against all odds.

Queries and Pitches, Do's and Don'ts

Google QUERY LETTERS for more

In the past week I was the keynoter at a local writers conference, which is always a joy for me because I get to meet other writers and hear story pitches and the wonderful ideas floating around in the minds of creative types.

A day or two before, a taped television interview of my appearance on Episode 6 of Living Right with Dr. Ray, was aired on EWTN. In that segment, in part, I discuss The Moral Premise and how filmmakers engender stories with themes and what they mean to families. (They have me listed as "Steve Williams" on the episode list, I see.)

As a result of the on-air appearance, as expected, I get some emails with pitches and queries... which prompts me now to make a few comments about sending queries to filmmakers and others.

When you want to send a query, here are some tips.

1. ASK FIRST if the person accepts queries. Save us both some time. In my case, I very rarely produce other people's creative works. I have no funding in place to produce my own stuff, let alone the work of others.... even when the work of others is better than my own. I have attempted from time to time to put together a funding package to produce a slate of films, but I'm not there.... yet. So, I don't accept queries.

If the person you're wanting to query says "Yes" to the above question, then...and only then:

2. WRITE A SHORT PROFESSIONAL QUERY. Your query email or letter should include three VERY short paragraphs, under the RE heading: "QUERY" -- and after the salutation in which you WILL spell the person's name right. ONLY include relevant information to the work you're pitching.

Paragraph 1: State the purpose of the query and what prompted you to write. "Dear Small Time Producer. // Thank you for speaking with me Saturday at the Writer's conference. Below is a log line for my completed romantic comedy screenplay, BREAKING IN, which has my bosses daughter attached to play the lead; you may have heard of her, "ANGELICA BEARTRAP."

Paragraph 2: The Log Line. "A desperate wannabe novelist battles the gatekeepers of a famous editor by breaking into the editor's office to put her manuscript on the top of the editor's pile with cleverly written faux coverage. Unbeknownst to the desperate writer, the editor is a nigh owl who returns to her office to find the writer caught by and flailing from from the ceiling fan like a monstrous mobile."

Paragraph 3: No more than 25 word bio of your professional credits. You can add another 25 words if someone of note has said something good about your writing, not your cooking, or your good looks, or how nice your mother is.

And sign off with your phone number.

When writing...don't be presumptuous.

DO NOT...

• Make any judgement about the quality of the story or your writing. That you're willing to submit anything to another person for review means you think it's good.
• Make no judgement or recommendation about how well the story/movie/novel will do in the marketplace. Why? Because you don't know. Really, no one knows. As Bill O'Reilly would say, "When writing... don't be presumptuous."
• Use any graphics, or emotion-cons, creative use of typography, asides, pictures.
• Make casting suggestions
• Relay how much your mother loved it. If she was like most mothers she wiped your butt as a kid and didn't complain. 
• Mention any irrelevant connections.... like your religious faith,  unless you're pitching a story about that faith.  (I'm Catholic. I hear from other Catholics or Christians that want to pitch something to me because they believe I'll be receptive to them because they're Catholic. Honestly, when their Catholic affiliation is mentioned I'm turned off. Why? Because I have not met that many good Catholic writers, and the ones I have met are generally presumptuous about their craft on account of their faith. Believe me, in this world, in this country, at this time in history, THERE IS NO SUCH RELATIONSHIP... although there should be.

IT IS ASSUMED

• That you have proofed your query email or letter several times. Obviously typos (like I usally make) suggest that you're unprofessional.
• That the work you are offering is yours to offer. That is it is your OWN creative work, or you OWN the copyright and the right to pedal its sale. Don't say so, but if you do not own the work completely, be sure that will kill any sale in the next steps. It will also poison your future relationship with the contact.
• That you will follow industry rules of order in registering the copyright and the work with the Writer's Guild of America (if it's a screenplay). Don't bother mentioning this, but be sure that if you don't, you won't make a sale.
• It is assumed that the work is properly formatted. Don't bother saying so.  But be sure that if it isn't, you won't make the sale.
• You have the sense to follow professional etiquette and protocol. If you don't, you won't sell anything today or in the future.

THE ONLY THINGS THAT MATTER

• A good story
• Well-told
• Professionally (i.e. respect for industry protocol, which can be learned from the many books on the topic. And here's one I recommend from my friend Michael Hauge: SELLING YOUR STORY IN 60 SECONDS.