Meet Kate DiCamillo

I'm coaching a Chinese lady going to school in Germany and traveling throughout Asia for her job with the UN working on a human trafficking task force. She wants to be a writer, and has the talent for it. She told me about this speech by Kate DiCamillo (the children's book writer). Her speech begins at the 20 minute mark, after the 20 minutes of introductions. (Whew!) It's a short speech, about her Moment of Grace as a writer. She wrote "Because of Winn-Dixie" that was made into a movie. I think it was her first book, written two pages at a time, early mornings, before going to work in a cold book warehouse.

On her author's website is this very short essay about writing too, that is wonderfully inspiriting. Read it: https://www.katedicamillo.com/onwrit.html

Enjoy.  

MOONLIGHT and Screenplay Rules

Each year I read one or both of the screenwriting Oscar winners. The theory is, in doing so, I'll learn how to write better screenplays and help others do the same.  In this case the learning from MOONLIGHT (Best Adaptation) was two fold.

I watched the movie on iTunes, then found the PDF shooting script HERE. The challenge I knew was to discover how Barry Jenkins wrote something that was so interior in scope, and was so silent. While there is some action and dialogue, the interior emotional tension is thick.

A screenplay is suppose to describe what is SHOWN and HEARD on screen, without TELLING us what the character is THINKING. The screenwriter describes the setting, the props, the posture, the bodily response, and when all of that is done rightly, then we give the writer permission to tell us what is actually going on inside the mind.

The adage is, learn to do it well, and then you can break the rules. Here's an excerpt from the third act. There are somethings here, expertly done, but they break the rules. Can you identify the rule breakers? (I use the term "rule breakers" with derision. )

This starts on page 79.

0. We watch the children at play a moment longer. We’ve seen none of these kids before, we’ll see none of them again. 

   A final beat of this, then... 

   EXT. JIMMY’S EASTSIDE DINER, PARKING LOT - NIGHT 

   A door closed -- Black’s car parked deep in the corner of this parking lot, in the farthest back corner away from street light, obscured by low-hanging shade trees.  

   The diner is away from us, across the parking lot. Black takes it in a moment, pulls on a fresh shirt. 

   He’s moving, crossing the parking lot at an easy clip. It’s quiet out, a few passing cars to Black’s left running north on Biscayne Boulevard, no foot traffic -- can hear the SOUND of his footfalls on the pavement. 

   As he nears the threshold of this diner, takes the handle on the entry... 

   CLOSE ON: an old school bell, the sound of it jingling as the door it’s affixed to parts. 

   INT. JIMMY'S EASTSIDE DINER - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS 

   And right away, the sound of music, something old, soft, and lilting (think Aretha Franklin’s One Step Ahead). 

   Black scanning this room, his view of the place a clue for us: this is definitely the same diner we saw Kevin working in during the earlier phone call. 

   All the details are there, the old-school register, vintage chairs and table-tops. And in the corner, that old school jukebox blessing us with Aretha. 

   BLACK 

   ...on the move now, crosses the diner with eyes down and ahead of him. There’s a counter lined with stools, directly opposite the staging station and adjacent the register. 

   Black eases up to the counter, places his cell atop it and takes a seat. 

   No one stirs at Black’s movement, no one watches. Looking about the place again, we notice the other patrons: a quartet of college girls in a corner booth shoring up for a night on the town, an elderly gentleman sitting to himself, staring into a cup of mild coffee. 

   As Black watches the elderly gentleman... 

                   VOICE (O.S.)                                        (moving)                                            Be right with you. 

   A figure moving past, carrying an urn over to the old man, sets a new cup down and pours a fresh coffee, scoops up the old cup as he moves on. 

   As he crosses to the girls, we see him better: it’s Kevin. 

   We watch as he speaks to them; can’t hear any of it but from the feel of it, very jovial, Kevin is good at this work. 

   A beat of watching Kevin here, isolated bits of him from Black’s perspective: Kevin’s lips as he speaks, the hand he rests to his neck instinctively.

   Finished with the girls, Kevin turns back toward the counter, hands full with their spent dishes. As he approaches, he looks right at Black, right at us... 

                   KEVIN                                                (moving)
             Be right with you, boss, just                           let me get this out the way. 

   ...and moves past. 

   Somehow, Kevin has not noticed him. 

   Something lodged in Black’s throat, without thinking places his hand there: Am I breathing? 

   He must be, he’d better be: those dishes discarded somewhere in the back and... here comes Kevin. 

                   KEVIN
            How you doin’ tonight, what                            can I get you? 

   Kevin flipping through a stained note-pad, hasn’t bothered to look up yet. As he does, his eyes settle on Black’s. 

   Beat. 

   Kevin watching this man. And Black watching back, the two of them silently holding each other’s gaze, pure curiosity. 

Here's what I noticed throughout the script, but I'll restrict my examples to the passage above.

1. The tone and mood of MOONLIGHT is expertly included in the visual descriptions. The setting, the lights, the movement (all visual), are also metaphors for what the audience should be feeling. We're not TOLD how the audience should feel, but phrases like those underlined SHOW us.

• "Black's car parked deep in the corner of this parking lot..." 
• "the farthest back corner away from street light, obscured by low-hanging shade trees."
• "...away from us, across the parking lot..."
• "...no foot traffic -- can hear the SOUND of his footfalls on the pavement."
• "...the sound of music, something old, soft, and lilting..."
• "...with eyes down..."
• "...staring into a cup of mild coffee..."

But the "rules" tell us that we should never use past tense verbs, present participles, break the fourth wall, use adverbs or gerunds. And all of those "errors" are used extensively throughout the MOONLIGHT script. Can you see them in the bulleted list above? Here are a few more.

2. We're told: Don't break the fourth wall. Yet, the MOONLIGHT script includes the audience/reader a great deal.

• "We watch..." 
• "We've seen..."
• "We see..."
• "...he looks...right at us..."
• "...we notice..."

3. We're told: Avoid adverbs, present participles, and gerunds. Yet, they're everywhere. 

• "scanning the room..."
• "blessing us with Aretha."
• "Looking about the place..."
• "an elderly gentlemen sitting to himself, staring into a cup..."
• "As Black watches the elderly gentleman..."
• "...watching Kevin..."
• "Kevin watching this man. And Black watching back. The two of them silently holding each other's gaze..."

4. We're told: Only describe what can be seen, and never say what the characters are thinking:

• "..but from the feel of it, very jovial..."
• "...Something lodged in Black's throat, without thinking places his hand there: Am I breathing?"
• "He must be, he'd better be..."

NOW, this is NO CRITICISM of BARRY JENKINS. The screenplay reads easily, visually, and most of the writing is PRESENT ACTIVE. But to communicate this interior sense of emotions, the gerunds, the adverbs, and the other things work wonderfully. 

Yes, you might argue that this is an example of learning to follow the rules so you can break them. But here's what's different about Jenkin's situation. He had written and directed a bunch of shorts, but this was only his second full length movie, and his first, MEDICINE FOR MELANCHOLY, was something he directed for $13,000 and no studio readers were involved. Add to that, Plan B executives (Brad Pitt) had seen Medicine for Melancholy and liked it and wanted to work with Jenkins, so with Plan B behind him,  they persuaded a A24, new distributor, to get behind Moonlight as their first feature to finance and distribute.  (Jenkins also said in an interview I watched from a Netherlands film festival, that the OSCARS SO WHITE protest from 2015, heightened awareness of movies by black artists.) So, Jenkins was not in a situation where the grammar or the format was ever an issue. His previous work and his connections spoke louder than the grammar of his screenplay. In other words, the executed work is what's important, not the screenplay's grammar.

COME THE OSCARS

This is further reinforced when voting occurs for the Best Screenplay categories. It was clear to me (having lived it numerous times) that no common Hollywood reader had ever read Jenkin's screenplay without being told by their boss, first, "We're going to make this movie." Of course, I don't know for sure, but I'm willing to bet MOONLIGHT was never subjected to the anonymous eyes of a first tier reader. Had it been, I'm sure it would have been immediately rejected. But yet, like a Quentin Taratino script, it wins an Oscar. (And, PLEASE, do not tell me that Quentin Taratino has learned how to write a script so he can break the rules. If you've ever, ever seen a Taratino script you would know by page 2 he never learned the rules in the first place.)

Yesterday, I wrote four screenwriters I know in Hollywood, all who have worked on many films that were produced and two who are Academy members. I asked if those voting for the BEST SCREENWRITING categories actually read the scripts they're sent. The answers came back: "Probably not," and "Usually, no." What they do is watch the finished movie and infer what the screenplay was like. 

So, I'll say this again....as I have in past posts. If you're a screenwriter that wants to waste your time, heave your screenplays at the anonymous studio blockade, and see them bounce off into the rubbish pile. They may be Oscar winners, but 90% of the readers in Hollywood wouldn't recognize it as such. Readers generally are not going to take the time to understand your story, but find fault out of a personal bias or tell you to follow the rules. For the rest of you, who want to get your screenplays made....ignore the obsessive format and grammatical rules, and find someone to help you make the story into a film.

Story Development Steps - Story Fundamentals

REVISED August 13, 2020

PART ONE
Writing a Focused Story

The broad, first steps in writing a successful story are outlined below in two sections. This first part lists The Story Fundamentals. The second is The Story Development Process.

If you're a story client of mine, stick with just Part One. Part Two will inform you about the whole thing, but the answers I want to accompany your script are just  1-7 of Part One, NOT Part Two.

I believe the Story Fundamentals should be listed on the first page of every script or manuscript because it sets up the reader in much the same way that a movie goer is set up to see a  movie. No movie goer attends a movie without first understanding what the movie is about in a general way; they know the fundamentals of the particular story.  So, that is how scripts should be read, with a page listing the Story's Fundamentals right up front.

For the writer, it really does not matter HOW you get to the story fundamentals. But knowing the fundamentals of your story are critical to effective and efficient writing the treatment and subsequent drafts of script or novel.

For my story coaching clients, please provide me with short one- or two-line descriptions of  the first seven (1-7) steps below. The more focused and precise you think them through and write them, the more effective will be our time together on step 8, which is what most need help on. Few of my clients actually have all seven items below answered when they come to me. But our consulting time together is designed to first get Steps 1-7 right, and then move on to Step 8.  Once you get past step 8 your story will practically write itself in terms of plot and character motivations. Actors who are writers will especially enjoy this, because after they answer 1-8 (with or without my help), they will fully understand their on-camera motivations.

The Story Fundamentals

What You Should Know Before You Start Writing,
and my goal in coaching you... to get you here.

1. TITLE, GENRE, ERA, SETTING, DEMOGRAPHIC
2. HOOK
3. LOG-LINE (Short and Long), TAG LINE
4. CONFLICT OF VALUES (Simple Dipole, Linear Nicomachean, or Layered Nicomachean)
5. MORAL PREMISE STATEMENT (Simple or Complex)
6. PROTAGONIST, ANTAGONIST descriptions
7. Protagonist's physical GOAL and STAKES

Before we get into Step 8, it will be helpful to have read The Moral Premise, or to review this linked blog post: http://moralpremise.blogspot.com/search/label/13%20Major%20Beats

      8. MAJOR BEATS FOR PROTAGONIST (13-19, Turning Points, Disasters and Sequences)

The Writing
Now you can start to write, in order:

     9. SYNOPSIS (600 words with ending)
    10. OUTLINE (every major scene)
    11. TREATMENT (prose short story)
    12. DRAFT (formatted)

---

PART TWO
The Story Development Process

Steps to Writing a Successful Screenplay, Play or Novel

Here is a more detailed breakdown of the above.

The first eight steps should be executed iteratively. That is, it doesn't matter where you start, or in what order you do the steps in; although there is a logic to the order as presented. But it may not be your logic. So, just get on with it. Whatever works. Do it!

With each progression, go back and review the former decisions and see if they still fit. When you're done with 1-9 there should be a cohesiveness that will naturally drive steps 10-12. Although... even in working on 10-12 you will probably need to go back and revise 1-9. You're not God, so plan to do it over, and over, and over until you get it right.

My consulting is principally focused on the first eight steps and then how the decisions made are executed in your subsequent writing. These structural steps should be imbued in every sequence, every scene, and every dialogue exchange (and when it comes to production... in the casting, art direction, cinematography, music, etc.... all the way through marketing.) In the end the project should fit perfectly together and allow your story to resonate deeply with your audience.

1A. What is your story's working TITLE?

1B. What is the story's GENRE?

1C. What ERA (time period) does the story take place in?

1D. What is the story's SETTING (location, country, class)?

1E. What is the target  audience's DEMOGRAPHIC? (Sex, Age)

2. What is the story's physical HOOK? (this is the story's physical premise)

3A. What is the SHORT LOG LINE? (10-second pitch)

3B. What is the LONG LOG LINE? (or 60-second pitch)

3C. What is the story's TAG LINE? (What is the emotional heart of the story expressed in a short pithy line that would go on a poster?)

4.  What is the core CONFLICT OF VALUES that all the characters deal with?

5.  What is the MORAL-PHYSICAL PREMISE STATEMENT that guides every aspect of the film/novel?

6.     PROFILE MAIN CHARACTERS (start with your protagonist), in a short, descriptive and compelling paragraph that tries to answer these questions. You might construct these as interviews, with you asking the questions, and the character answering.

• What is the character's name, sex, age, career, family?
• What is she/he trying to accomplish? What is his/her goal for each of the subplots in his/her storyline, e.g., personal, family, professional, hobby, romance. Which of these plots drives the overall story? (i.e. there are multiple characters with multiple sub-plots, but ONLY one character, and ONLY one sub-plot for that character will drive the story forward.)
• What is the character's moral vice or weakness?
• What is the character's moral virtue or strength?
• How does the character transform and change?
• Who is trying to stop the character from reaching their goal?
• What happens if the character fails? (i.e. what are the stakes?)
• What irony is involved in each of the physical storylines?
• What irony is involved in the psychological storylines?

7.   Describe

• Protagonist's Physical GOAL
• STAKES if goal is not achieved?

8.  Outline the MAJOR BEATS (13-19), first, for the protagonist across the 3 ACTS. Describe, also, the major beats (3-9) for each secondary character. (see description under 10 below.)

NOW YOU CAN START WRITING

9.  Write a 600-word SYNOPSIS that dramatically summarizes the main character and the major beats revealing the story's resolution.

10. Construct a scene OUTLINE. If you've followed my goals and plots advice, you will have beat out every storyline for all the characters. The protagonist will have between 3 and 6 story lines, one of which will be the physical spine of the story and include no less than 13 major beats. Minor characters will have between 1 and 3 story lines, none of which will exceed 13 beats, and most will have from 3 to 9 beats.  Place (stick) all of those story line beats (now on 3x5 cards) on the wall (like a large story diamond) and discover in what scenes the various beats of the various story lines occur simultaneously.  From this, draft your scene outline, including every beat of every storyline. Exclude establishing shots. This outline can then be expanded into prose, creating a full treatment.

11. Write a succinct prose TREATMENT (not script formatted). Make it read like a high-level short story. Avoid too much detail.

12. WRITE the first draft properly formatted. (Review and Repeat ad nauseam.)

Writing Lessons

Once a month for three hours in my living room, I tutor seven motivated Catholic home school teens on screenplay story structure. The group is part of the St. Augustine Home School Enrichment experience run by Dr. Henry Russell out of Ann Arbor. The image at right is of them taking a essay exam (hey, their writers) over our first eight sessions. Ms. J.S., their sponsor and test checker, sits at the end of the table on the right.

I really enjoy teaching them. During the week we exchange emails as they send in their iterative structural beat sheets. We're moving into the synopsis and treatment stages on some great stories. 

Later that session I asked them for a list of writing rules that would reflect what they had learned. Here's what they said:

1. The hook and log line must reflect the core physical conflict and imply the underlying values.

2. There must be irony in the premise.

3. The story must have market appeal.

4. Audiences must identify with the protagonist's imperfect but talented characteristics.

5. Good characterization must be exaggerated; or a character must have an exaggerated life.

6. A writer must be organized and find the right structure for a story.

7. The story must be about something physically and morally important to a universal audience.

8.The physical spine should be a metaphor for the moral (or psychological spine)

9. Write everyday.