SABRIYA Writing Journal 4: Writing Rules

I've started to write, after many weeks of planning and plotting. Now, the rules of writing, for me, will vary day-to-day. Not that the rules change, but because I'll forget them from one day to the next. Thus the critical need for rewriting and remembering the rules.

MY WRITING RULES:

The following assume I've taken the time to outline the story, and completed due diligence in researching the broader aspects of the era and characters—both critical writing tasks, which in this case I've done. The rules below are not about general research, planning or plotting (see Journal entires 1-3) but about stringing the words together for the first time.  

1. VISUALIZE FIRST. Take time to visualize the scene as if watching a movie. This may be the most time consuming thing about writing—NOT WRITING.
2. START OBJECTIVE. Every scene should begin with a paragraph from an objective or universal Point-of-View (POV) that describes the setting and characters in the scene with a disaster close at hand. By objective POV I mean the POV of someone NOT in the scene—the narrator—who can see everything about the scene, e.g. God's POV.
3. ONE POV. After that first objective POV paragraph, every other paragraph in a scene must be told from a single character's POV who is IN THE SCENE, perhaps the POV of the most emotionally conflicted character.
4. WRITE FOR IRONY. Every description, and perhaps line of dialogue, should contain an ironic comparison. 
5. WRITE TO TARGET. First draft not so much, but second draft must condense word count to the target number, OR revise the rest of the chapter or book so word count goal (overall) is observed.
6. WRITE ATTITUDE. Write with an emotional attitude that channels the POV character. Nothing in this word is clean and objective. Even God has an attitude and sometimes he expresses with with catastrophic results. Attitudes vary from sarcasm to sweetness, from retribution to forgiveness. Vary the attitude as you vary the POV. 
7. END ON CLIFF. Every scene ends with a cliff hanger described by Step 3 (the disaster step) of the Scene-Sequel structure pattern. In some cases this may be an objective, universal POV, like the first paragraph of the scene. (more on Scene-Sequel below)
8. RIGHT WORD. Never hesitate to take the time to find the right word, turn-of-phrase, or trope. (more on tropes below)

Scene-Sequel Structure Pattern

Writing in a Scene-Sequel pattern is method of structuring your writing at a paragraph, sentence, or micro level. If you deconstruct the best fiction writers' output, you will see it. I always start out writing a new project by following this pattern anally, by putting these hidden steps in Scrivener to constantly remind me. After a few weeks the pattern becomes almost automatic.

In every scene-sequel sequence there is a DISASTER that spurs the action forward (or in a new direction...a mini-turning point). Here's a diagram from my on-line workshop (Storycraft Training). An explanation follows.

Novel Scene-Sequel Sequence (simplified)

Running from left to right in the above diagram. (1) The protagonist has a physical GOAL to achieve. (2) The protagonist takes action to achieve that goal, and in so doing creates CONFLICT with the antagonist. (3) Because of the conflict, the goal is not fully achieved, resulting in a DISASTER. (4) The protagonist experiences an EMOTIONAL REACTION, which acts as a motivation to keep going. (5) The protagonist spends some time evaluating in his mind (THOUGHT) the DILEMMA faced, until... (6) The protagonist makes a decision about the next goal and takes the fist steps to achieve it. [And the process REPEATS starting with the new goal.]

Tropes

Using tropes in your writing is like writing with subtext—it keeps the reader intrigued and intellectually engaged.  Here is a summary of useful tropes copied from Google's AI engine.

Tropes are recurring themes, ideas, or literary devices used in storytelling. They can be categorized into various types. Tropes can be elements of character, plot, or setting, and they often reappear in different stories, sometimes becoming defining characteristics of a genre. 

Here's a breakdown of some common types of literary tropes: 

Metaphor: A comparison between two unlike things without using "like" or "as" (e.g., "Juliet is the sun"). 

Simile: A comparison between two unlike things using "like" or "as" (e.g., "Her smile was like sunshine"). 

Irony: A figure of speech in which words are used in such a way that their intended meaning is different from the actual meaning of the words (e.g., saying "Oh, fantastic!" when something bad happens). 

Synecdoche: A figure of speech in which a part is used to represent the whole (e.g., "wheels" for a car). 

Metonymy: A figure of speech in which one thing is used to represent something else with which it is closely associated (e.g., "the crown" for the monarchy). 

Hyperbole: Exaggeration used for emphasis or effect. 

Litotes: Understatement, often for ironic effect (e.g., saying "not bad" when something is actually very good). 

SABRIYA Writing Journal 3: Word Counts

I draft in Scrivener, which allows me to set target word lengths for each scene within a chapter.  Below I've expanded the Excel spreadsheet from Journal Entry No. 1, to calculate the word length for each chapter and scene, all based on the treatment. THESE ARE ALL TARGETS AND THEY WILL CHANGE, BUT THIS ANAL WORK  PROVIDES A FOUNDATION AND DIRECTION. The closer I stay to it, the closer I will arrive at my target book length.

The table below shows that there are 17 chapters of lengths 3250 to 4500 words. There are 63 scenes of lengths 500 to 4500, the 4500 scene filling an entire chapter (9). The average scene length being only 1143 words.  The final manuscript target length being 72,000 words.

The "0" cells compare two different ways to calculate the word counts so they add up to 72,000. If one of the "0" cells does not show a "0" I know one of my calculations is wrong. Notice the chapter breaks favor the length of the chapter and not the end of one of the 21 macro beats (grey).

The green lines represent the backstory, flashbacks discussed in Journal Entry No. 2— notice the FB scenes are very short, as flashbacks should be.

Everyday when I think through this stuff I imagine a revision to the treatment or micro beats. I make notes of those in the treatment, which I will be following as I write. In fact, when I write a scene, I'll copy the treatment paragraphs for that scene and paste them into the Scrivener document,  which gives me beginning copy for that scene. For instance just before starting this journal entry I copied the treatment paragraph for Chapter 1 Scene 1 into Scrivener. I have the target for that scene set to 1,000 words. The treatment paragraphs were only 275 words. That gets me going and I started to rewrite and expand.

Here's what the Scrivener Binder (left margin) looks like for the first four chapters and 12 scenes.

Each one of those 12 scenes (text documents) has a word length target set for it. As I write, a growth bar appears at the bottom of my manuscript page in blue. When I hit the target of 1,000 words the bar will turn green. If I go beyond 1,000 words the growth bar will turn red. After I pasted in the treatment paragraph to what I was calling Shenzhen (but it's changed now to Hong Chi) I edited the first sentence. The document was then 271 words of my 1,000 and this is what the bottom of the page looked like...

If I write 1,223 words it looks like this, meaning I'm over and must edit down, thus keeping me on target.

So, I have started to write, although I will stop often to research what I am writing about. My protagonist, in addition to being the glamorous Thai wife of the British consulate, is also a Wing Chun practitioner of some advanced skill.  Wing Chun is the mysterious and hidden form of Kung Fu developed by Ypi Man (1893–1972) who passed it on to Bruce Lee's who made the form famous. So, one of my research steps will be to watch the "Ip Man" Blu Ray trilogy...for the third time.

Ah, here''s my first sentence... I'm sure it will change:

In the dead of night thirty-three thousand taxi sedans and motorcycles jammed the streets of Hong Chi shuttled men and women from the crowded luxury shops in Chao, to the colorful nightlife in Yezong and the go-go bars of Qu Plaza, where hundreds of young women exposed their assets just a block from Assumption Cathedral in one direction and the stiff upper lip British Consulate in the other. 

A distant siren wailed.

SABRIYA Writing Journal 2: Plotting Tools

I have finished the preliminary plotting for my novel about Sabriya of Shanghai. Let me share what I've done in the last few days.

Steps 1-7: (discussed in blog post Journal Entry 1)  I constructed a slide in Keynote (4000 pixels x 2500 pixels) and divided the slide into 21 columns, each corresponding to the 21 macro beats of the story I intend to write. These would be the same 21 beats I'd use for a screenplay and are a reliable structure into which to drop particular story beats (or cards), a process called "breaking the story," i.e. I'm breaking down the story into relatable chunks, scenes, or events.

Step 8

Figure 1

Figure 1 shows how I parsed the formerly written movie treatment for Sabriya into 87 smaller beats, each closely associated with scenes. I'll end up with 100–120 such beats after the manuscript is written as many of the beats in the middle of the story (and above graphic) are summarized.

The first column of the above figure is the "Prologue" or back story that proceeds the present day beats. The events  in the Prologue are necessary to fully understanding the drama that unfolds later.  Years ago I considered that the prologue story could be told as flashbacks during the telling of the present day story. I imagine that withholding the backstory at first, and revealing it slowly through flashbacks will create additional intrigue. In story time there is perhaps a 10-year gap  between the end of the Prologue and the beginning of the next column known as "Life before" or the first half of Act 1. 

Step 9

Figure 2

I decided to disburse the prologue beats throughout the present day story as a slowly revealed series of flashbacks. So, I turned them green for clarity. Not very evident in Figure 2 is that I clumped the Prologue beats into six clumps each clump occurring chronologically close in time. Thus, the Prologue can be considered to contain just six beats. 

Step 10

Figure 3

I realized that that the structure template I'm using contains six natural turning point beats starting with (1) Act 1's Climax and the Threshold crossing into Act 2, and then (2) Pinch Point B, (3) the Moment of Grace, (4) Pinch Point C, (5) Act 2 Climax, and (6) Pinch Point D. [Pinch Point A is the same as the Inciting Incident in the middle of Act 1.]

Those critical turning points, or possible reversals, would be excellent places to tigger the flashbacks that reveal Sabriya's present day motivation due to her backstory. So, in Figure 3, I slid the six Prologue Clumps over those turning point columns. I am not sure what the present day action will be in Sabriya's experience to trigger her memory of her past, but figuring that out seems like a minor concern at this point.

I now have a structure that will create a great rollercoaster ride of action and emotion for the reader, and reveal the back story as motivations for the present day story.

NEXT I need to analyze the above beat structure to ensure the protagonist and antagonist actions are consistently and evenly applied along the through-line of the story—the rescuing of Sabriya's secret son from the boy's father, a leader in the S.E. Asia human trafficking trade.

AFTERTHOUGHT: By moving the prologue into six flashbacks, I need to redistribute the word counts, taking the 4-5 words reserved for the Prologue and assigning them to the turning point columns where the flashbacks will occur. 

SABRIYA Writing Journal 1: Can I Keep This Up?

Not sure if I'll be able to keep up this journal, but I'll try.  Writing a novel is a long affair and there are many interruptions, blogging being one of them and staring at a blank page another. There's a solution to both. Starting today I try to share how you can eliminate the latter, and strengthen your linear storytelling mind. The foundation of this is my book The Moral Premise and the extensive resources of this blog, my on-line Storycraft Training series, and years of  experience working as a story and screenplay consultant.

The novel I've started and which this journal will follow is Sabriya. It's the story of an elegant Chinese woman, a skilled practitioner of the hidden martial art Wing Chun, who marries a young British diplomat to Shanghai, then risks her marriage and scandalizing Her Majesty's Diplomatic Service when she creates not a little mayhem around Shanghai trying to rescue her secret son from his ruthless father who has become the chief of a human trafficking syndicate dealing in youth for labor, sex, and  harvested organs.

Step 1 - Pick a Successful Antecedent

Sabriya of Shanghai (SOS) was originally a treatment for a martial arts thriller movie set in S.E. Asia. I wrote it on spec for a potential client, but when he went in another direction I retained ownership. The antecedent for the treatment is Taken, the 2008 thriller written by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen, directed by Pierre Morel, and starring Liam Neeson. Taken was so successful there were two equally successful sequels. So, I designed the beats of the new story on Taken but I made it different—I changed the location from France to China; I changed the male lead to female; I changed the kidnapped victim from a daughter to a son, and I changed the lead's expertise from a being secret spy to a secret form of martial arts.  

Step 2 - Select a Practical Medium

Having no money to make a film, and having written several novels, and non-fiction projects, it was time to transform SOS from a film treatment into a motion picture thriller.  The first question was, how long of a novel?   My three previous fictional efforts were 30,000, 57,000, and 372,00 words. I could not get traditional agents or publishers to consider the 372.000 project, and no one was interested in a novella. Agents told me 70K–90K was an ideal length. So, I settled (arbitrarily) on 72,000 words, knowing I'd go long. 

Step 3 - Structure - Use a Successful Structure

I will use a high-level, generic structure used successfully in long-form stories of all genres, and which has proved accurate in hundreds of box office hits and best selling novels. The structural sequence uses 21 beats for the through-line. I describe these beats in various places and detail elsewhere on this blog and fundamentally in The Moral Premise. The percentages and word lengths (based on 72,000) were calculated with the Excel spread imaged below. Thus, this level of detail decision making was not made arbitrarily. I will write the first draft in Scrivener who allows me to set word limits for each document—in this case each of the 21 major beats that vary in length from 1,00 to 5,000 words. 

Step 4 - Create Template for Carding (or Breaking) the Story Beats

Over the  years, I have set up structural templates on door walls with 3"x5" cards and masking tape, on large wooden folding closet doors,  painted walls with the pictures removed, on black landscaped 4 'x 8' Gatorfoam Board with Post-It Notes, on portrait 4' x 8' Masonite on wheels with Post-It Notes, and in Apple's Keynote,  which I am using on SOS. (image below)

I have come to prefer Apple's Keynote (Appel's answer to PowerPoint for Mac users like me), with a single slide dimensions set to 6000 x 2500 pixels.  I can type, transform, and copy Keynote cards faster than writing with a marker on physical Post-Its. When other people are in the room for a story meeting, however, one of the 4' x 8' boards works best with physical Post-Its—we can all see the beats at once, and anyone can jump up and make a change on the large board (or wall).

Below is the beginning of the story breakdown. Each "card" represents a scene, each column is one of the 21 macro story beats. 

For SOS I've chosen to break the story into columns from left (beginning of story) to right (end of story). The column widths (defined by white lines) are the relative duration of the beat. The image above shows the first 10 beats, with "cards" filled in for the first 4 beats (Prologue through Reject the Journey).  The numbers 4.5, 9, 15, etc are the running total of words (in 000s) to the end of the beat where they're placed. These numbers will differ from the Excel chart as I've changed my mind about some lengths.

Step 5 - Card the Story

The first (or left) column is the Prologue. I have created cards for each micro beat (or scene) of the treatment, and placed them in chronological order from top to bottom, whereupon the story continues in the next column (Life Before).  The row of short color cards at the top is my color key for different characters. If I want to place a card for a character that is not already on the board, I can option-drag one of the color key cards to copy the card, stretch it as wide as the column and start typing. You'll notice most of the cards have gradated colors—the first time I've used them. The top and bottom colors indicate the two principle characters that appear in that beat. I will continue to fill in this story board based on each beat present in the treatment.  

Each card above begins with a number, which is the line number of the earlier written treatment. See image with "greek" words.

Step 6 - Analyze the Structure

Why do all this carding of each scene on a board with the macro beats? First, the board will act as a living outline that will be open while I write the manuscript. Second, it's important that I study the outline before I begin to write and look for plot holes that need to be filled. I might ask, "Does the antagonist appear ubiquitously and frightfully?  The display and spread of colors will indicate the presence or absence of a character in each beat. In the illustration above Sabriya is light yellow and the the antagonist is red. If there is part of the story where no red grading appears nor light-yellow appears, I know immediately where and what I need to fix. For example, Sabriya should be present in 75% of the cards. Does she? If not, I need to broaden her appearance before I start to write. 

Step 7 - Fix the Structure Before Writing

Based on the previous step, I will make changes to the story board before writing. Knowing what's going to happen and when, allows me to expertly place foreshadowing and resolution information and scenes that deepens the intrigue and reader's enjoyment. 

That's where I am. Please post your questions and follow my journey. 

Story Planning - Outlining - Breaking - Carding

The editable (and thus functional) Apple Keynote files used to illustrate this post can be downloaded for a small fee. See this link.

However they do it, successful-efficient-productive story writers plan - outline - "card" - or - "break" long form stories before they write.

I've recently completed working with four different writers, helping them to break (or Outline, Plan, or Card) their story, and guide them through with the script writing, rewriting, end editing process. 

Without becoming anal or planning too deeply, story planning of the major story beats, for both the main plot and the subplots, is easily accomplished (okay, nothing good is really easy) by using one or more visual methods for outlining the story.  I've used 4" X 6" index cards on a door wall with masking tape, and I've used color Post-It's on a 4' x 8' pice of masonite with the Story Diamond outlined on it. I've tried to use Final Draft's Beat Board, but still find it limiting in ways I find Keynote freeing. 

In the last few years I've found the use of Apple's KEYNOTE application on a Mac to be easy to use, flexible, and transportable. I emailed drafts of complex carding files (in Keynote) to Dubai, Beijing, Moscow, and and yes email works here in the U.S., too.  I like Keynote over PowerPoint because Keynote is easier to use in terms of duplicating cards, adjusting fonts, colors, card alignment, and the slide size (i.e. beat board) can be as large as 8,000 x 8,000 pixels. The "slides" can be shared in various fixed formats like jpg or PDF, or you can send off the entire keynote file.  If you'd like the keynote file that created the slides below (the file will work with Keynote 10 and later) just write and ask for it. I'll send it for free though email, or post a link for you to download.

If you've followed me I keep offering up different ways to break or card-out stories. These ideas come from working with different clients and their stories, which dictate what we need to create to facilitate the communication of the story beats, and how the story is structured.   So below are a few beat plates for Story Planning I've created in Keynote, with a few comments below each image. Related is this linked post on the 8 Mini-Movie Beat Plate.

Here are the slides (or beat plates). I think you can click on any image and see a larger version. These were saved as 8K square jpegs.

TRADITIONAL CARDS ON A TABLE OR WALL

The typical 3x5 or 4x6 cards written on with a felt pen and then stuck to a wall or laid-out on a table are also easy to move around and arrange in keynote. You can add highlights to the cards or use different color cards or pens to indicate scene breaks, turning points, climaxes, etc. Or you can use different rows or columns for the story sequences.

INDIVIDUAL CHARACTER ARC BREAKDOWNS

In the above graphic each column represents the plot or subplot for a character. Seeing the chronological ordering of cards like this (in one column, top to bottom) helps me to ensure that the beats are chronologically logical. Looking at the beats for a plot in sequence allows me to check if there is an easy to understand cause and effect relationship between the beats, as the story for that column progresses down. 

One column per subplot or character arc. The first card at the top of a column names the character or subplot and the character's physical goal.  The last card in the column should indicate the resolution of the goal. Somewhere in the middle is that subplot's Moment of Grace (MOG).  All subplots whether they are 3 beats (the minimum) or 20 need: (A) to focus on ONE character (even if that character is a town or ensemble); (B) a Physical Goal; ; (C) a MOG; thus leading to (D) the arc needs to be clearly redemptive (up), tragic (down), or ironic (a little up and down). Also, each arc should illustrate the Moral Premise for the story in different ways... and yes, all the subplots and arcs in a single story need to have a common Moral Premise. 

NOTE: There is NO relationship horizontally to the cards from one column to the next. A subplot with only 3 beats might not begin until the middle of the movie. Once these individual character subplots are chronologically laid out (as above), you would place them in a beat plate like the one below in one of the subplot rows... and arrange them chronologically with respect to the other beats of the other subplots. Being able to shift these beats/cards left and right (or add or subtract beats) is critical to story planning or beating out the story. 

The final thing I keep stressing is that the Protagonist or Hero has about 50% of all the dramatic beats in the whole story. Thus, Protagonist "A" may have 45 beats, and when you add up all the other character beats and all the other subplots you should have about 45 beats for the others as well. That means while the Protagonist has 45 beats, the next largest number of beats associated with a single character may be only 20. There should be no question about who the movie is about. See also Story Structure Basics

BLANK BEAT PLATE 8000 (not sure what to call this)

This beat plate is a derivation of the 8 Mini-Movie Beat Plate without the focus of the 8 Mini Movies. Time moves left to right. The color boxes down the left side (A-Z) identify each subplot. They should have text inserted in them that label the CHARACTER and their PHYSICAL GOAL for that subplot. "A" is the main plot and will have the most beats. Across the plate horizontally (in four places) are the traditional beat numbers (1-13 Major Beats), and a few ancillary beats explained in the Story Structure Basics post. The light blue vertical spaces indicate PINCH POINTS (PP) where the antagonist creates a challenge for the protagonist. They escalate from left to right. The dark blue vertical spaces indicate TURNING POINTS (TP) where the protagonist actually takes action to change the direction of the story, because of the Pinch Points. The gray spaces between the blue columns are sequences of multiple scenes that set up the PP or TB. The theory behind this "IDEAL" structure is that there is never a dull moment in your story, and there is a regular emotional roller coaster effect from beginning to end. The actual dynamics of the story, however, will not look this regular. This is theory, don't try to match it exactly. 

COMPLETE BEAT PLATE 8000

This is what the a completed beat plate may look like just prior to writing... obviously here without any of the text in the boxes (this is an actual beat plate for a client, used with permission). Notice all the white boxes in the main "A" plot. The plot lines A, B, C, and D all belong to the protagonist. Subplots T–Z belong to other characters, one of which is an institution (Z). The number of beats for the protagonist (A–D) is close to the number of beats for all the other subplots combined (T–Z).   The white boxes that are not in the A plot are notes and not actual beats. 

I hope you can see the advantage of BEAT PLATE 8000 compared TRADITIONAL CARDS. The completed beat plate lets you easily examine the beats's interplay and chronological juxtaposition of events, that the index cards on a table do not allow. 

And, yes, the rows in this BEAT PLATE 8000 (e.g the 8 beats/cards in the orange row) correspond to the column of 8 orange cards in the INDIVIDUAL CHARACTER ARC BREAKDOWNS graphic.   (But don't try to correlate the other columns with the beat plate above. The orange column and the orange row both having 8 beats was entirely coincidental. 

If you want me to help you on your story or script, see my Script Consulting Page. 

Final Draft 12's Beat Board, Outline, and Script Insertion Function

 
You that follow the Moral Premise know I'm sort of a Story Structure freak. But then my Story and Script consulting clients encourage me. I have been continuously helping writers structure their screenplays, scripts, and novels since 2007... and I still enjoy it. (But then I'm being paid to do it. THANK YOU.) 

If you've rented or purchased lessons from my on-line Storycraft Training you also know how much I rely diagrams (graphic metaphors) for beating out a story and structuring it properly so it will emotionally connect with audiences. 

Over time I've come up with some fairly simply ways of beating out stories (on paper or electronic cards) and then copy-pasting the content of those cards into Final Draft for writing. It has worked well. 

Recently, Final Draft released Version 12 with an updated Beat Board, Outline, and Script Insertion Function that is very exciting. I've spent some time with it, and have begun to turn some of my recent clients onto its functionality. I'm not sure how "smooth" it works on PC's, but I'm on a Power Mac, and in my environment it has a ways to go so the operation and functionality are smooth and easy to use. But the ideas are very good, and I want to encourage writers to encourage Final Draft to keep working on this. 

So, as part of a new addition to my on-line Storycraft Training series, Lesson 11 - Visualizing Story Structure, I included a short video to introduce writers to what Final Draft is doing. You will find it below. I've used a bit of editing (Final Cut) to make this look smoother operating than it currently is, but with some encouragement I hope they get it polished. Please write Final Draft via Feedback and encourage them.

Here's the video.

Story Diamond Notes

This description is NOT for the uninitiated. A few lazy folks criticize the appearance of the diamond portrayed right, because (I can only assume) their lives revolve around 128 character solutions. I'm not a Twitter fan, and you should not be either if you want to be a success at anything. If you read just a little of this description, you'll discover perhaps one of the greatest tools for developing stories. And I will not take any credit for it. All I did was take everyone else's great ideas and overlay them, proving we're all talking about the SAME natural law of story telling, just seeing it from different perspectives. 

The Story Diamond continues to hold me in awe as a story brainstorming tool.

While it looks complicated, it's very simple and helpful in holding off writer's block, although it is no substitute for a well-formed and fell-fed imagination. 

Below is the latest edition of the annotated Story Diamond Notes file. You can download this HERE as a PDF. but some may find this browser edition helpful.

STORY DIAMOND NOTES

by Stanley D. Williams, Ph.D.

Introduction to the Story Diamond

The Barebones Diamond

In 2008, I was given a copy of an early version of The Story Diamond while working on a story with Will Smith, Chris Vogler, and Marianne and Cormac Wibberly. With their permission

TAKEN (2008) Insanely Great Endings

Please welcome (The Other) Chris Pratt to the Moral Premise Blog. Chris is a veteran screenwriter and writer manager in Los Angeles.  During recent discussions we had about structure, in particular about Taken (2008), Chris offered up Michael Arndt's Pandemonium post on Insanely Great Endings, and then offered to write this blog post applying Arndt's perspective to Taken... for which I was greatly appreciative. 

Arndt's 100 page story map and his explanation of Insanely Great Endings fits nicely into the natural structure of story telling, so I tired to include his beats in the latest version of the story diamond. But I over did it—the Story Diamond is getting too off-putting with its apparent complexity; so look for future simplifications. But now on to Chris' insanely great post on Taken. — S.W.

TAKEN'S Insanely Great Ending

by

The Other Chris Pratt

Screenwriter Michael Arndt created Insanely Great Endings as a deep dive to help us  understand the emotional resonance of our greatest cinematic experiences. If you haven’t seen it, check it out here. What follows for Taken assumes you understand Arndt's story concepts.

http://www.pandemoniuminc.com/endings-video

Inspired by Stan Williams’ deep dive into Taken found here:

https://moralpremise.blogspot.com/2019/08/beat-analysis-taken-2008.html

The following is a Michael Arndt-style analysis using his Insanely Great Endings method to analyze the 2008 hit film TAKEN. Here's Arndt's 100 page story map which will help us. Click on it for larger version.

CLICK FOR LARGER IMAGE - Michael Arndt's 100 page Story Map

Arndt opens with the idea that there’s an organic logic of storytelling. A sort of ‘Who, what, when, where?’ 

THE MAJOR BEATS

OPENING: In Taken, we begin with old home video footage of a little girl’s fifth birthday party. Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) wakes up to a table side picture of the same girl, now a teenager. He’s already missed her childhood. 

ORDINARY WORLD: Daily Routine + introduce unresolved issue (could be an internal or external unresolved issue.) In a single scene, we establish the WORKING CLASS hero, his numerous trips to the electronics store to select the right gift for daughter Kim (Maggie Grace). Rich people don’t visit the store multiple times, they have stuff delivered. Most people don’t read the instruction manual over and over before purchasing electronics. In a single scene we get A) Careful, B) Thorough and C) Thrifty. We don't see his unresolved issue until the BIRTHDAY PARTY at a big frickin’ house. Bryan’s EX married very well. We learn he wasn’t there for his daughter growing up. We see her stepfather can give her anything/everything she wants. Bryan’s time has passed, has his window to be her father has closed? She’s 17 and ‘Not a little girl anymore.’

THEN ONE DAY: 10% A bolt from the blue, lightning hits, changing sense of character’s self, who they are, and their sense of the future. Bryan’s friends, old CIA operatives, over BBQ and beers, we learn he was the best of the best and he’s not on the job anymore because he’s making a conscious choice to quit working and be closer to Kim. They pitch him on a job. He rejects the call, then accepts the call.

THE JOB: Bryan protects the POP STAR from a security threat, rescuing the first of three daughter figures in the film.

CALL TO ACTION: Kim is excited to join a friend on a trip to Paris, she asks her dad to let her go. He rejects the call to let Kim go to Europe is to let go of Kim, and he’s not ready to do that. Bryan then accepts the call, gives permission, and drives Kim to the airport. This is Bryan’s story. His arc. While he doesn’t go, he is still the active participant, crossing the threshold, he makes the decision to let her go.

EMBARKS: 25% On the quest, has a long range goal and a short term quest. Bryan calls Kim as her friend is kidnapped, his daughter taken, his now famous speech, “I will look for you. I will find you. And I will kill you.” The only dialogue ever to appear on a movie poster. The pitch as a single line of script. Kudos to writers Kamen and Besson.

MIDPOINT SETBACK: 50% Something happens around the middle, rug pulled out from under him, has to find a new way. The midpoint has Bryan tracking the trafficked women to a construction zone where workers line up to rape drugged out victims. He finds his daughter’s jacket but no Kim. The traffickers discover him, and he begins to burn it all down. Before it was a story about a man pursuing his daughter, now he’s declared war.

NO RETURN: 75% No going back, trap door opens, total commitment. When he runs into a dead end, a name he doesn’t know, he turns to his contact in the French Government, Jean-Claude. Out of time, out of options, he shoots the man’s wife, threatening to kill her. No going back now.

CLIMAX: 90% Achieves goal or fails to achieve goal. Tracking his recently sold daughter to a boat, Bryan infiltrates the boat and kills… everyone, pretty much kills everyone.

STAKES OVERVIEW:

While many a guru would say there are two sets of stakes, internal and external, Arndt argues, to great effect, there are actually three sets of stakes. Internal, external, and philosophical stakes. See the breakdown below: 

What are the EXTERNAL STAKES in Taken? Save the girl. First, Bryan Mills makes the choice to save the POP STAR, while this isn’t his daughter, it is one of three daughter figures in the story. The bolt from the blue happens at the ten minute mark when Bryan is shaken from his complacent state of waiting for his daughter to return his love and becomes an active hero with the POP STAR. 

Who are the EXTERNAL STAKES antagonists? What scene introduces them? The kidnappers are the external antagonists, the scene introducing them takes place in the apartment, the moment they kidnap the girls. (You could argue the French Bureaucrat, Jean-Claude, is an external antagonist but he’s more of what John Truby would call a fake-ally opponent. He’s a philosophical antagonist for Bryan as explained below.)

Who is the EXTERNAL Mentor? What scene introduces them? Bryan’s friend and former special ops colleague, Sam. He’s got the call to exposition scene where he tells Bryan the who, what, when, where of the kidnappers M.O. and sets the ticking clock of 96 hours before Kim disappears. Forever.

What are your INTERNAL/EMOTIONAL STAKES? (Arndt says this could be parent child love, romantic love, self esteem, will my life matter, will I get out of here, will I even get a chance, call to greatness.) What scene introduces the EMOTIONAL stakes? Internally, this is a story about Bryan’s purpose. Will he connect with his daughter? Will his life matter now that his baby girl is all grown up? Can he let go? Is it better to keep his daughter protected and unaware of the world or let her experience it? On the way to the airport, Bryan describes his gov’t job as being ‘the preventer.’ Personally, this is a story about a father’s duty to protect his daughter vs. his paranoia and instinct for overprotectiveness. Should he prevent her from growing up by preventing her from harm? It starts with a ‘can he let her become a woman’ and ends with ‘sometimes you need your daddy’ which is genius. Split hairs. Have cake, eat too. 

Who is the INTERNAL/EMOTIONAL STAKES antagonist and what scene introduces them? (Arndt says Star Wars has Uncle Owen on some: “Kid, don’t get too big for your britches, harvest is when I need you the most, it’s only one more season.”) Bryan’s emotional antagonist is his ex-wife. She reminds him he was good at missing out, he wasn’t there for his family. She’s right about that, but is he too late? 

What scene introduces the EMOTIONAL mentor? (Star Wars has: “Kid I see something special in you.”) Taken has BBQ buddies. Bryan’s old team. The guys who know he’s the best of the best but “I hope she appreciates the fact you’ve given up your life to be closer to her?” For a BBQ beer scene with war buddies, that scene has a LOT of heart.

Also, during the car ride to the airport, Bryan’s inner compass is telling him she’s too young to go to Europe, he’s fighting the voice of his ex-wife, his daughter’s will, but that voice inside keeps guiding him. Bryan’s conscious is his training. “Mom says your work made you paranoid.” “Made me aware…” You’re not paranoid when the world is out to kidnap and sell your daughter into sexual slavery. 

What are the PHILOSOPHICAL STAKES? Those with money and power are just too strong, they will win out over justice. The philosophical antagonist is Jean-Claude, the French Bureaucrat. “That’s now how the world works.” When Bryan first arrives is Paris and seeks out his old friend, he’s told to go home. 

What is your underdog value? Father knows best.

What is your dominant value? Too late, she’s a grown woman.

Who is your GLOBAL ANTAGONIST? What SCENE lays out the Global Antagonist Aria? In Star Wars, General Tarkin says “Fear will keep the local systems in line.” In Taken we don’t get a big speech from the antagonist, when Bryan takes the phone and give his “I will find you and I will kill you…” speech, we simply get two words: “Good Luck.”

Whether a superhero or a dude with a problem, this dad has a way with phones.

 What SCENE lays out the PERSONAL ANTAGONIST ARIA? Han Solo’s “Kid, I’ve flown from one end of this galaxy to another…” This speech attacks Luke’s personal journey, a journey into a much larger world, a journey into the force. Bryan’s personal journey is to matter, to be the father his daughter needs. Ex-wife Lenore reminding him, “You can’t smother Kim or you’ll lose her for sure.” In effect, end the quest to matter, give up on becoming the father your daughter needs.

List the DOMINANT vs. UNDERDOG GLOBAL values: The dominant global values are ruthless power wins, criminals take, can’t beat a corrupt system, might makes right, guns and power rule the day. The underdog values are freedom, justice, the American way. Dominant values are winning. “A few years ago there were twenty of them, now they have hundreds…” The police even get payoffs. Corruption, crime, drugs, kidnapping, slavery, the bad guys are winning.

What SCENE lays out the GLOBAL MENTOR ARIA? Star Wars has Obi Wan saying; “You must deliver these droids to Alderaan.” Taken has Bryan’s friend Sam saying, “You have 96 hours before she’s gone. Forever.”

What SCENE lays out the personal Mentor Aria? Obi Wan also says; “You must come with me and learn the ways of the force.” Bryan’s BBQ buddies ask if Kim understands he’s given up his work, his old life, to move and be closer to her, to be the father he’s always wanted to be. “You lose her to college next year.” “Still gives me a year.”

List the dominant vs. underdog PERSONAL values: Dominant personal values; it’s too late, you missed out, she’s grown up, she doesn’t need her father, you missed your shot, you don’t matter, your life doesn’t matter. The underdog personal values; only you know what the world is capable of, you have skills bro, you see what others can’t, you do matter, you can be the father she needs. These are underdog values because the whole movie, people keep telling him, ‘Naw brah, let her go.”

Structure TIP:

Act 1 Antagonist Aria (dominant value) is “I will find you, I will kill you.” “Good luck.” Dominant value is the odds of finding kidnappers... normal people don’t have a chance, special set of skills or not.

Structure TIP: 

All is lost in Act 2, the ALLY chooses the dominant value, betrays the hero. The French Bureaucrat Jean-Claude is the fake-ally opponent who choses illegal payoffs over his friendship with Bryan. This is the setup/payoff Antagonist Philosophical Dominant Value, or money/power wins over justice. Han Solo’s betrayal, all is lost in Star Wars; “I’m not sticking around to help you face the death star, Kid.” Our all is lost betrayal is when Jean-Claude holds Bryan at gunpoint, “I’m taking you to the airport right now.” “What about my family?” 

What are the two competing value systems at play in the PHILOSOPHICAL STAKES? Bryan believes in American justice. Preventing the big bad is how he sees himself. The world is full of big and bad, but he won’t buy in. “I reject your hypothesis.”

Scene Breakdown Checklist:

What is your opening image? Bryan’s dream; a 5 year old girl’s birthday party.

What is the equilibrium for your world? Bryan was busy working for the gov’t, wasn’t there for his daughter. She’s grown.

Is your character flawed or is your world flawed? The world is flawed. (Bryan doesn’t change.) [He's a hero. See Hero vs. Protagonist.]

How is your character’s future fixed? He is trying to earn the right to be Kim’s father but because he was never there, she’s grown up without him. He’s moved to be near her but hasn’t really been invited into her life. So he waits. This is his fixed future.

How is this the stable self image? Retired. Waiting. His skills got him all dressed up with no place to go.

10% What is your bolt from the blue? Kim is invited to Paris.

How does that incident change your character’s future? Accepting that she’s growing up, becoming a woman, leaving him… tough. 

How does it change their sense of self? He realizes she doesn’t need him, she needs his signature on the permission slip.

How is this the worst possible thing to happen to them? He’s moved to be near her. This is the opposite of what he came here to do. It’s game over, man. 

Is there insult to injury? She lies to him about the trip, where she’s going, and why. Touring Europe to follow U2 instead of hitting museums in Paris. She doesn’t trust him enough to tell him the truth.

25% What first act break? Phone call. “Special set of skills…”

How does that mini-arc pay off at Act 2 all lost (problem A)? Act 2 he finds Marco, and kills him. Solves problem A.

How does your character embark on the journey? Literally. He charters the jet and hops a round trip LAX to CDG.

50% What is the midpoint setback? He finds Kim’s jacket but no Kim. The girl wearing it is drugged so he rescues her -- the second ‘daughter’ rescue.

How is the midpoint setback a reversal? How does it change directions? Escalation. Instead of a detective asking questions, he’s kinda the punisher now. High speed chases and explosions. He’s on everybody’s radar.

How does the midpoint reversal deepen the stakes? This won’t be a quiet extraction, he’s facing a criminal organization and he might have to burn it to the ground.

CLICK FOR LARGER IMAGE - Michael Arndt's ACT 3 Breakdown

75% All is lost? Dead end. He’s found Kim’s friend Amanda, dead. Kim isn’t there so he tortures bad guy MARCO but only gets a name. He can’t do jack with a name.

How does this crisis force the stakes? Bryan has to go back to fake ally-opponent and confront him with his own corruption.

How does it solve Problem A? Marco is dead. Bryan did find him and Bryan did kill him. Makes you wonder if the guy shouldn’t have wished him ‘good luck.’ 

How does it force Problem B? Bryan gets a name, but with no way to track it he’s forced to turn to Jean-Claude. 

How is the character headed toward a waterfall? He shoots Jean-Claude's wife to get the info. No return, as they say. Now he’s screwed with the French police, screwed with the underworld, burning everything as he goes leaves him without friends/allies. 

List Act 3 external setbacks toward the ending? Rescued girl is passed out, arrives at the bad guys but can’t identify Marco, Kim’s friend is dead, no Kim, tortures Marco but gets a useless name, Jean-Claude is no help, shoots his wife, finds Kim but is captured before rescue, hanging from pipe he’s ordered killed, daughter is on a boat, leaving. 

List Act 3 internal setbacks toward the ending? Bryan’s not there for her. Even when he finds the stash house with the girls, even when he kills the bad guys, he can’t find her, he can’t save her, he won’t matter in her life, once again, he’s not there when she needs him.

What are the philosophical setbacks? More money, more guns, more power, the further he goes the greater the opposing forces. This isn’t some local Armenian mob, this is upper echelon society with deep pockets and resources. Up against more than nameless, faceless Albanian sex traffickers, these are nameless, faceless rich people too. He finds his daughter but someone buys her. He’s captured by better killers with more training. A rich Sheik with professional security has his daughter. Philosophically money and power are winning.

CLICK FOR LARGER IMAGE - Michael Arndt's Two Minute Climax Breakdown

What is our Hero’s Kamikaze moment of commitment? Jumping onto the boat. 

How does the Hero listen to the mentor? The inner voice that says… let’s do this.

How does the hero choose the underdog value against their own self interest? He could die on that boat but to find Kim, to rescue her is worth the risk.

How does choosing this APPEAR to be an external failure, an internal failure, and a philosophical failure? He hurts himself on the leap, limping through the next sequence, he gets shot by BIG BAD, he gets stabbed, he’s thrown through glass… (Note: Nice little callback here, the knife from the first daughter POP STAR rescue is mirrored by the final knife fight.)

Leading to what moment of despair? Bursting into the room, the Sheik has his daughter at knife-point. Oh, no. He’s failed, he’s going to lose everything.

What is the decisive act our hero chooses? BLAM. He fires, killing the man instantly.

How does the ACT (not a speech) embrace the underdog values? Money and power did not win out over justice. The man says “We can negotiate-” BOOM, negotiation over.

How does it lead to external success, internal success, and philosophical success? Externally, he’s rescued Kim, saved the girl. Internally, he is the father she needs, he matters, he is connecting with her and philosophically, American justice wins out over the money and power of a corrupt world. We go from total loss to total victory in the final sequence leading to an Insanely Great Ending.