The Importance of Screenplay Formatting - Part 2

I  hate spending time on this, yet it amusing... and informative.
I'm a story guy. I format screenplays out of necessity. "Structure" (a type of format) is far more important. Yet getting screenplays read by gatekeepers (especially at competitions) seems to be about format and style, and not the story, not the structure—legalism encroaches on art — flat boxes disguised as 3-dimentional curves.

Last year my post "Importance of Screenplay Formats" garnered some pushback. My original intent was to suggest that the story was more important than the format, and yet how some gurus and experts will tell you how utterly important correct format is if anyone is going to read anything you wrote. And there is truth in their assertion. I just question if anyone OF WORTH will read it.

I realize that some folks take pride in measuring indentations and circling in red the use of gerunds, adverbs, scene numbers, and SOUND EFFECTS that are not capitalized. But the sign on my bully pulpit still says: FORGET FORMATTING, just write a good story.

This mantra reminds me of Elmore "Dutch" Leonard, the prolific novelist (and source for a handful of movies, e.g. GET SHORTY) who famous said, (channeling a character from GET SHORTY):

Write the story, then get somebody to add the commas and shit.

Such elegance... and truth.

Yes, a properly formatted script will tell the studio, or any knowledgeable production manager, how long and how much money a script will take to produce. But do you think the delicacies of schedule and budget should effect your story, unless you're writing to a particularly small budget? 

I work on enough scripts that get made by studios, and I have not seen one yet that closely follows the "so called standards."  Yes, they roughly follow. But depending on who you talk to the standards are different. I've seen students criticize the format rules in Christopher Riley's The Hollywood Standard because they weren't like their USC Extension instructor's hand out.

Another thing I hear is this:

When you're famous and have mastered the art of the craft, you can break the rules.

Yes, that too is true. But young artists would be wise to copy the masters -- and that applies to screenwriting as well.

Is it possible for writers trying to break into Hollywood to be minutely concerned with formatting that the story suffers and doesn't rise to the bar? That's an interesting Catch-22.  

Write a good story, let someone else format it. 

To test the structure of my bully pulpit, since I jump up and down on it from time to time, I picked a Hollywood script that I did not work on and one that was successful at the theaters. While reading it I made a list of formatting or writing constructions that would typically cause a reader to stop by page five and throw it into the trash. What follows are 13 of the kind of problems that gurus and contest readers warn will get you rejected immediately.   But yet...well, look at this list, first:

1. Describing what music should play in the background of the movie and listing it by artist and song.
2. Repeated use of the phrase, "we hear...." or "we see..." in action description.
3. Repeated use of pedantic verbs in the action description like "he looks," and "she walks."
4. Describing camera movement, and then doing so in lower case.
5. Use of a voice over narrator to tell the story. (Show, don't tell.)
6. Use of bad grammar, (e.g. use of masculine pronoun with a female antecedent.)
7. Numbering scenes.  (Never do this, we're told, even if it helps annotate feedback.)
8. No visual scene description when entering a new space.
9. Repeated and frequent use of gerunds (ing) and adverbs (ly) in action description.
10. Not formatting "INTERCUTS."
11. Not formatting "MONTAGES."
12. A character does not "begin" to do anything, especially "watch" a "sound". 
13. SOUND EFFECTS are not capitalized.

And what is the script that would be instantly rejected by so called value readers?  STRANGER THAN FICTION (Newmarket Press), by Zach Helm. It was this early version of the script that producer Lindsay Doran initially passed around town, instantly garnering interest from multiple directors and studios begging for the right to participate. Marc Forster and Columbia won. It stars a few names you may have heard of: Will Ferrell, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Dustin Hoffman, Queen Latifah, Emma Thompson, Tony Hale, Tom Hulce, and Linda Hunt.

Do you think these attachments cared about the bad style and formatting? Evidently not.

And how did Zach and Lindsay do it?

A GREAT STORY. The script, even in its early form, is a wonderful read.

Copy the masters. 

The Blind Side - Honor vs. Courage

THE BLIND SIDE

Written and Directed by JOHN LEE HANCOCK

Book: The Blind Side: Evolution of a Game by Michael Lewis

Lee Anne Tuohy (Sandra Bullock)

Sean Tuohy (Tim McGraw)

Michael Oher (Quinton Aaron)

S.J. Tuohy (Jae Head)

Collins Tuohy (Lily Collins)

Coach Burt Cotton (Ray McKinnon)

Miss Sue (Kathy Bates) 

In my workshops I talk a little about THE BLIND SIDE and express my awe at the delicacy of the shallow but poignant arc the characters' journey takes. Today, I was asked by a friend and client about the film's moral premise and how Alfred, Lord Tennyson's poem The Charge of the Light Brigade plays into the story. I had some notes, which I will share below, and perhaps expand on this at some time in the future.

The conflict of values in the story deals with COURAGE vs. HONOR. These both sound like virtues. But as we discover in Act 3, when Michael writes a critical essay, there's a difference. In the Act 3 sequence we discover that the entire movie is about the difference between having raw courage with no honor (which is what the characters in Hert Village demonstrate and temp Michael with), and  having the courage to seek that which is honorable (which is what Lee Anne Touhy teaches Michael).

Here is the poem that Michael critiques, and then a side-by-side script of Michael's essay from the movie that explains the moral premise. At the end I take a stab at the moral premise statement, which I argue EVERY character in the movie deals with in their own unique arc, from the drug dealer at Hert Village, to Lee Anne, to Michael, to the coach and even the English teacher who grades Michael's essay, giving him the GPA that allows him to get into college.

The Charge of the Light Brigade

Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Half a league half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred:
'Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns' he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

'Forward, the Light Brigade!'
Was there a man dismay'd ?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Some one had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do & die,
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd & thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack & Russian
Reel'd from the sabre-stroke,
Shatter'd & sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse & hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder'd.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred! Some notes:

In football, Michael plays the blind side (left) tackle who protects the (right-handed) QB from what he can't see. 

Who is the Blind Side tackle in the story? Is it Lee Anne for protecting Michael Oher from what he can't see? ALSO, Michael says several times he has Lee Anne's back. So, he protects her when they go to the projects. Although she sees perhaps more clearly than Michael and is 'packing.'

At 100 min, after a short inspirational talk with Sean about how The Charge of the Light Brigade is really about LSU vs. Ole Miss football game (or so Sean leads us to think), Michael begins to write his essay, and we discover the inner secrets of what the movie is really about, and what ALL the characters struggle with, some unsuccessfully ending in death, and some with great success ending in a purposeful life.

Picture and notes	Michael's V.O. of his essay about Tennyson's poem.
Michael writes his essay at a table in the Tuohy's home.	Courage is a hard thing to figure. You can have courage based on a dumb idea or a mistake but you're not suppose to question adults,
Montage of Michael's football coach, teachers, principal.	or your coach or your teacher because they make the rules. Maybe they know best, but maybe they don't.
Michael walks past the gang bangers at Hert Village to join the other side. The gang is all about having courage to rebel against adult authority. There's no honor in their courage. The valley of Death to Michael is Hurt Village, which he is walking through.	It all depends on who you are, where you come from. Didn't at least one of the 600 guys think about giving up and joining with the other side (Michael Oher is that one guy.) All his buddies area dead. I mean, valley of Death that's pretty salty stuff.
CUT TO image of high school entrance arch, on which is written: "Wingate Christian School: With Men This is Possible, With God All Things Are Possible".	That's why courage is tricky. Should you always do what others tell you to do?
Lee Anne's mode of operation is always telling others what to do. She is the one in charge. Michael WALKS THROUGH ARCHWAY.	Sometimes you might not even know why you're doing something.
Michael walks into strange classroom with all smaller white kids…his first day. Does he have the courage to seek honor?	I mean any fool can have courage.
Michael sleeps on couch in Touhy's home... an unusual place for him to be.	But honor, that's the real reason you either do something or you don't.
Michael at laundry matt at night with his bag and shirt.	It's who you are and maybe who you want to be.
Sitting in the Laundry Matt reading his biology text book.	If you die trying for something important, then you have both honor and courage, and that's pretty good.
Michael rests his head back on the laundry machine after contemplating his text book. Cut to literature teacher reading essay.	I think that's what the writer was saying. That you should hope for courage and try for honor. And maybe even pray that the people telling you want to do have some too.
Michael's English teacher puts down paper and contemplates his own courage and honor when he earlier rejected Michael's attempts.

Lee Anne, Michael, and Michael's teachers all…. Hope for courage but try for honor….the moral premise arc!

THE MORAL PREMISE

Embracing courage without honor leads to a lost life and dread; but

Seeking honor with courage leads to a fulfilled life and purpose.

Great Stories - True Premises

I lead a bifurcated life when it comes to the types of projects I work on. I find my greatest satisfaction in structuring and writing stories for myself and for my clients. My wife, Pam, and I consume a great many movies and novels; and we're mesmerized by the integrity the best stories have with respect to a true and consistently applied moral premise that informs the metaphors used to do the story telling.

But the other side of my creative life has been involved in helping others produce very didactic series for Catholic television. Yes, we're talking about "talking heads" here. There are times when I don't want anyone to know that I write, produce, direct, edit and distribute such stuff. Not because I don't believe in the messages that the series contain, because I do believe in them. I'm a devout Roman Catholic who loves the Church's teachings. But I am convinced that didactic presentations DO NOT engage audiences very well, nor do they pass on values from generation to generation as well as stories do. But the didactic stuff does explain WHY and WHAT is going on in a psychological and spiritual sense in our lives, and in the lives of characters in stories with true moral premises.

One such connection occurred to me this morning as I was writing collateral materials for a Bible Study series on the Epistle of James that I'm preparing for broadcast. The particular Bible passage that applies to storytelling so well is this:

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  (NAB, James 1:2-4)

This passage hits a particular nail on the head with what we try to do --- or rather, what we MUST DO as storytellers. Our protagonist wants to reach the goal, but to do so our hero must traverse through myriad of trials and sufferings. Why do we drag our heroes through all of that? One answer is because in real life we are dragged through it all. The tests we put our hero through (as well as the trials we go through as humans) will teach our hero (and us) about life. Experience is the best teacher, after all. And simulations (movies) are a close second. Hopefully, in a redemptive story, our protagonist will persevere through the bad stuff and in the process learn something important, so that the end result her or she will be a better person -- and goal of the story achieved.

For the protagonist the "faith" is their belief in the truth of the moral premise. Yet, for them to really, truly believe the truth of the moral premise, we have to take them through hellfire and brimstone, (the testing of their faith as gold is refined with fire), before they get enough sense knocked into them to learn how to navigate life, latch onto what's really important,  develop the nerve to remove their mask of "unbelief," and risk all to persevere through Act 3 to the goal. (Do you see the story structure in that?)

And if our heroes persevere through all that, they can be joyous. Thus, great stories are about characters that learn something that is greater than themselves and persevere against great odds to bring that truth home to themselves and those around them....including us in the theater.

Mary Connealy's MP Gift Basket

A Shout Out of thanks to prolific author Mary Connealy for using the Moral Premise as the center piece of a workshop she presented at her local writer's group in Nebraska. I was introduced to Mary's books when I was preparing to give the pre-conference workshop at the American Christian Fiction Writer's Conference in 2011. Authors who were interested sent me copies of their novels and I read them (a bunch) before the workshop. Mary writes "Romantic Comedy with Cowboys" and she's very good at it. I thorough enjoyed two of her books, smiling and crying all the way through the craziness she comes up with. Mary is also a member of the Seekerville Writer's Group (the Seekers) for whom I've guest blogged a couple times in the past. Thanks, Mary. Keep up the wonderful gift you have.

Story Diamond 4-ft x 8-ft

Making the Story Diamond work in a practical sense as always been a problem, when you extrapolate or beat out the story and identify all the various scenes that have to be strung together. There just isn't enough room on the computer screen (so you can see everything at once), or on a 6-ft double door wall. Besides, with the doorway, it's hard to read the little cards on the inside with a 100w incandescent bulb, when everything outside is lite by the sun.

So, for a current project I purchased a 4-ft x 8-ft sheet of Masonite, mounted it on 1" PVC pipe, and put fixed position casters on the bottom so it would slide back and forth in front of a bookcase behind my desk, but not fore and aft. (so I can get to the books).

Here's a picture of the entire story beat out with all the major scenes summarized on small pieces of paper or cards. (Don't bother trying to read it. It's for a private client and the resolution is such that nothing is readable.)

I'm now in the process of taking each scene summary and writing out the treatment. The outline of the diamond is string stretched across the front and taped to the PVC pipe behind. The "cards" outside the string are the character goal cards and inner psychological beats, and the cards inside the outline are the actual scene/sequence descriptions. At the top of each scene card is a traditional slug line in reverse type. I realize now that I have this backwards. The inner beats (psychological goals) should be on the INSIDE of the diamond, and the external-physical beats (physical action) should be on the OUTSIDE of the diamond.

In the picture, Act 3 appears to be better developed, and it is when I took this picture. I started with the end in mind, and then worked the foreshadowing structure and beats back into Acts 1 and 2. (Begin with the end in mind.) As I write out the treatment it's clear that things have to changed, so I just move the pieces of paper around.

These scene summaries are written in a table on Word, printed on regular 20# paper or 3x5 card stock, cut down to size, and then I smear the back with Elmer's Repositionable Picture and Poster Stick. If you let the glue dry for a minute before putting the paper or card stock on the Masonite, the scenes are indefinitely repositionable.

I had to take this picture outside my office door wall because I could not get back far enough in my office to photograph the whole thing at once. Now, where to store this baby????


A full explanation of the Story Diamond is presented in my On-Line Storycraft Training series.

Great Movies or Stories are about...

Great stories are about 

 CHARACTERS

who stand for something

GREATER THAN THEMSELVES, 

against 

 GREAT ODDS, 

even if they don't know what they're doing, 

but even more so if they do.

I just reread an old Reader's Digest article by John Culhane, Where Great Movies Come From. I don't think it told me, but it did suggest that the great movies (and stories) are about things bigger than the characters -- good value, and to achieve those noble intends sacrifices are welcome.

To quote Culhane:

Critically acclaimed, financially successful and widely honored films are about universal values, that reflect the basic good in people: hard work, self respect, love of family, friends, community and God.

'Such films show us,' says director Mark Rydell, 'how the individual can make a difference—in his own life and the lives of others. ' 

'One of their messages,' says John Avildsen (director of ROCKY), 'is that  ordinary individuals are capable of extraordinary acts.'

The article discusses four films that do this:

• ROCKY
• CHARIOTS OF FIRE
• GANDHI, AND
• DRIVING MISS DAISY

...and how studios rejected the scripts and even the films for distribution after they were made, because the stories did not fit the supposed mold for commercial success. Yet all were very successful.

I am hoping for more visionary investors who see the financial sense of relatively small independent films that can change hearts and be a box office success.

To do that, as writers, producers, and directors, we have to develop stories about characters that stand for something bigger than themselves, against all odds.

Queries and Pitches, Do's and Don'ts

Google QUERY LETTERS for more

In the past week I was the keynoter at a local writers conference, which is always a joy for me because I get to meet other writers and hear story pitches and the wonderful ideas floating around in the minds of creative types.

A day or two before, a taped television interview of my appearance on Episode 6 of Living Right with Dr. Ray, was aired on EWTN. In that segment, in part, I discuss The Moral Premise and how filmmakers engender stories with themes and what they mean to families. (They have me listed as "Steve Williams" on the episode list, I see.)

As a result of the on-air appearance, as expected, I get some emails with pitches and queries... which prompts me now to make a few comments about sending queries to filmmakers and others.

When you want to send a query, here are some tips.

1. ASK FIRST if the person accepts queries. Save us both some time. In my case, I very rarely produce other people's creative works. I have no funding in place to produce my own stuff, let alone the work of others.... even when the work of others is better than my own. I have attempted from time to time to put together a funding package to produce a slate of films, but I'm not there.... yet. So, I don't accept queries.

If the person you're wanting to query says "Yes" to the above question, then...and only then:

2. WRITE A SHORT PROFESSIONAL QUERY. Your query email or letter should include three VERY short paragraphs, under the RE heading: "QUERY" -- and after the salutation in which you WILL spell the person's name right. ONLY include relevant information to the work you're pitching.

Paragraph 1: State the purpose of the query and what prompted you to write. "Dear Small Time Producer. // Thank you for speaking with me Saturday at the Writer's conference. Below is a log line for my completed romantic comedy screenplay, BREAKING IN, which has my bosses daughter attached to play the lead; you may have heard of her, "ANGELICA BEARTRAP."

Paragraph 2: The Log Line. "A desperate wannabe novelist battles the gatekeepers of a famous editor by breaking into the editor's office to put her manuscript on the top of the editor's pile with cleverly written faux coverage. Unbeknownst to the desperate writer, the editor is a nigh owl who returns to her office to find the writer caught by and flailing from from the ceiling fan like a monstrous mobile."

Paragraph 3: No more than 25 word bio of your professional credits. You can add another 25 words if someone of note has said something good about your writing, not your cooking, or your good looks, or how nice your mother is.

And sign off with your phone number.

When writing...don't be presumptuous.

DO NOT...

• Make any judgement about the quality of the story or your writing. That you're willing to submit anything to another person for review means you think it's good.
• Make no judgement or recommendation about how well the story/movie/novel will do in the marketplace. Why? Because you don't know. Really, no one knows. As Bill O'Reilly would say, "When writing... don't be presumptuous."
• Use any graphics, or emotion-cons, creative use of typography, asides, pictures.
• Make casting suggestions
• Relay how much your mother loved it. If she was like most mothers she wiped your butt as a kid and didn't complain. 
• Mention any irrelevant connections.... like your religious faith,  unless you're pitching a story about that faith.  (I'm Catholic. I hear from other Catholics or Christians that want to pitch something to me because they believe I'll be receptive to them because they're Catholic. Honestly, when their Catholic affiliation is mentioned I'm turned off. Why? Because I have not met that many good Catholic writers, and the ones I have met are generally presumptuous about their craft on account of their faith. Believe me, in this world, in this country, at this time in history, THERE IS NO SUCH RELATIONSHIP... although there should be.

IT IS ASSUMED

• That you have proofed your query email or letter several times. Obviously typos (like I usally make) suggest that you're unprofessional.
• That the work you are offering is yours to offer. That is it is your OWN creative work, or you OWN the copyright and the right to pedal its sale. Don't say so, but if you do not own the work completely, be sure that will kill any sale in the next steps. It will also poison your future relationship with the contact.
• That you will follow industry rules of order in registering the copyright and the work with the Writer's Guild of America (if it's a screenplay). Don't bother mentioning this, but be sure that if you don't, you won't make a sale.
• It is assumed that the work is properly formatted. Don't bother saying so.  But be sure that if it isn't, you won't make the sale.
• You have the sense to follow professional etiquette and protocol. If you don't, you won't sell anything today or in the future.

THE ONLY THINGS THAT MATTER

• A good story
• Well-told
• Professionally (i.e. respect for industry protocol, which can be learned from the many books on the topic. And here's one I recommend from my friend Michael Hauge: SELLING YOUR STORY IN 60 SECONDS.

Rochester Writer's Conference Keynote

THE TOP 21 SECRETS OF STORY SUCCESS.

I've been asked to delivery the keynote at the Rochester Writer's Conference Oct 20, 1012, which will be held in the Oakland Center at Oakland University, Rochester, MI. Here's a LINK to their site with registration information.

To assist in founder's Michael Dwyer's promotion below you'll find a description of my talk just after lunch.



Session Slides Download:
Greyscale PDF Slides (6 up)
Color PDF Slides (1 up)

Session Title:
THE TOP 21 SECRETS OF STORY SUCCESS, based on his Hollywood Story Structure book: "The Moral Premise: Harnessing Virtue and Vice for Box Office Success."

Presenter:
Stanley D. Williams, Ph.D., Hollywood Story Consultant, Filmmaker, Writer, Publisher-Distributor
(Bio below)

General Description:
At the heart of all successful stories (whether they be short-stories, novels, plays or motion pictures) is a foundational concept that Will Smith calls “the most powerful tool in my new toolbox.” Modern research has shown that if you ignore this concept and its interrelated secrets your story is doomed. But if you consistently apply them to each character, each scene, and each dramatic beat of your tale -- your storytelling will be empowered, you’ll connect with your audience, and all the other techniques you bring to the craft will shine and fall into place. As historic and fundamental as these basic concepts are, some have become lost secrets. It’s not uncommon in story meetings to hear exclamations like, “Oh, I knew you were going to ask that” or “How could we have forgotten such a critical idea this late in the game?” Don’t be caught unawares. Follow these rules and you have a chance.  Here’s a bonus promise: Apply this concept and its ancient corollaries to your writing, and writer’s block is guaranteed to disappear.

SEMINAR OVERVIEW
In this 1-hour seminar you will learn the most fundamental elements of all successful story structure used in motion picture screenplays, stage plays, novels, and short stories. The talk is supplemented with graphic slides and movie clips. Blubs of what others have said about the seminar/workshop can be found at http://www.moralpremise.come - where you can also by the book and read it beforehand.  Books will be available onsite.

WHO SHOULD ATTEND?
Narrative writers of all media will find this session beneficial, if not foundational. If you're a writer this session will give you a practical understanding of the crux of all story telling — the psychological motivation that centrally controls all character's values, actions, and consequences, and keeps the story focused on one thing. It's called the moral premise and it's been around since the beginning of storytelling. Knowing the moral premise of your tale will speed along and improve the quality of your story's structure and writing. In many ways the moral premise is a powerful muse; when used correctly it will inspire and focus your efforts, and powerfully connect you with your audience. Say "Good-bye" to writer's block.

PRESENTATION TOPICS

(Depending on how fast I can talk, I'll expand or shrink the following outline. There will be time for Q&A afterwards, and I'll be hanging around the conference most of the day for informal consultations and conversation.)

STORY BASICS
•    The Purpose of Story
•    What Makes a Story True
•    The Physical vs. The Psychological Storyline
•    Natural Law and Stories - Cause & Effect
•    How the Moral Premise Unites Physical & Psychological
•    True vs. False Moral Premises
•    Box Office Correlation
•    The Protagonist's Moral Decisions
•    Conflict of Values - Story's Dramatic Thrust
•    Virtue vs. Vice

MORAL PREMISE (MP)
•    General Form of the Moral Premise
•    Connecting Vice, Virtue, and Consequences
•    Physical Effects - Psychological Cause
•    The MP in LIAR! LIAR!
•    The MP in DIE HARD
•    The MP Arc in DIE HARD (Clip)
•    The MP in THE INCREDIBLES (Clip)

MOMENT OF GRACE (MOG)
•    Where the MP is Recognized
•    The All Important Midpoint of Act 2
•    MOG Determines the Story's End
•    MOG in A BEAUTIFUL MIND (Clip)
•    MOG in LIAR! LIAR! (Clip)
•    MOG in THE INCREDIBLES (Clip)

STORY STRUCTURE
•    Consistent Application in All Crafts
•    Protagonist Must Make Moral Decision
•    13 Steps in 3 Acts
•    Act 1 Climax RATATOUILLE (Clip)
•    MOG RATATOUILLE (Clip)
•    Act 3 Climax RATATOUILLE (Clip)
•    MOG WHAT WOMEN WANT (Clip)

VALUE DIPOLES
•    All Vice contains a Virtue
•    All Virtue contains a Vice
•    Dramatic Thrust from Both Ends

OTHER STORY STRUCTURES & MP (If there's time)
•    5 Acts - A. F. Purchase Model
•    7 Acts - Stages of Greif
•    12 Stages - The Mythic Hero
•    15 Beats - Blake Snyder (BS2)
•    Combination Beat Chart

Bio:
Dr. Stan Williams is a novel and screenplay consultant for accounts in Los Angeles and across the country. His best-known client is the actor-producer Will Smith with whom Stan and worked since 2008 on over a dozen of Smith's projects. Stan is an author, writer, speaker, and an international award-winning corporate and entertainment media producer. Since 1972, he has executive produced, directed, written, or distributed hundreds of video, film, television and interactive projects, some with world-wide distribution. Prior to his involvement in the film industry he headed up the business and creative effort at several agencies for major accounts at Ford Motor, General Motors, Chrysler Corporation, and Harley-Davidson. He also spent three years training astronauts in Houston. His screenplay structure book is The Moral Premise: Harnessing Virtue and Vice for Box Office Success, published by Michael Wiese Productions. Essays, reviews and blurbs of Stan's work, writings, blogs, and workshops can be found at http://www.moralpremise.com

TMP at Seekerville

I spent yesterday contributing to the com box at Seekerville, an active blog site managed by a group of novelists. As I was two years ago this time, I was invited to guest blog and answer questions about The Moral Premise.

It was a long post, especially as friend, client, and best selling author Tamera Alexander agreed to let me interview her. Tamera also went beyond the calling and embedded a YouTube video about how she uses TMP in her writing, of which I'm most grateful.

As of a few minutes ago there were 109 comments, which are viewable at the bottom of the post.

--

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a long time. I've been exec. producing a short film for my teen Story Symposium students (which occupied most of August), and in mid-July I shot a television series, that now I am editing, probably through October.

George Lucas in Love

One of the best "student films" (it's actually not) I've ever seen is Joe Nussbaum's parody GEORGE LUCAS IN LOVE. I use this in all my story classes. In only 8 minutes it encapsulates a perfect moral premise, a great arc for the protagonist, uses metaphor, and is just plain funny. One of its geniuses was the filmmakers ability to get a cast that  actually looks like the characters they are parodying.Can you figure out the moral premise? In fact, the Moment of Grace SCENE is structured with 13 beats just like a full length movie.  Simply amazing story work and production. Thank you Joe Nussbaum and team. (See the Making Of....) below  the movie link.



Here's the Making of Interviews, one of two "Making Of GLIL" I know of.

HITCH - A Moral Premise Analysis

Director: Andy Tennant

Writer: Kevin Bisch

Budget: 70MM, Domestic Gross 177MM

Gene: Romantic Comedy

LogLine: A secretive "date doctor," Hitch, struggles to find his game when smitten by a gossip columnist, Sara.

WILL SMITH - Alex 'Hitch" Hitchens

EVA MENDES - Sara Melas

KEVIN JAMES - Albert Brennaman

AMBER VALLETTA - Allegra Cole

JULIE ANN EMERY - Casey Sedgewick (Sara's friend)

ADAM ARKIN - Max (Sara's boss)

As in road stories and buddy movies, Romantic Comedies match-up a man and a woman as both protagonist (of their own story) and antagonist to the other's story. Usually one or the other ends up being the lead, but in HITCH things are well matched. In the interest of space and time, this analysis will focus mostly on Hitch and the 13 MAJOR BEATS discussed elsewhere in this blog and various other books, including The Moral Premise.

1. Life Before:

We begin with Hitch lecturing us on the principles behind male-female relationships. He's telling us the secrets of his success as a date doctor.

And, we discover that Hitch and Sara are happily single and that they have their reasons. Notice that neither of them think they WANT a significant other in their lives. Yet, we can see they both do need someone in their lives. They're incomplete. Notice also that their jobs are as opposed to any union as are their personalities. She tells secrets (she's a gossip columnist with a name to promote), he keeps secrets (he's a date doctor with no name). This sets up the Nicomachean moral premise for HITCH:

(The vice) Keeping too many secrets or exposing too many secrets

leads to

(The negative consequence) distrust and isolation; but

(The virtue) Sharing the truth in confidence

leads to

(the positive consequence) trust and companionship.

Hitch lives at the absence of the virtue (he doesn't share much of anything). Sara lives at the excess of the virtue (she shares everything). She spills the beans; he hides them. She thinks men hate women, he only works with men who love women. Hitch is trying to get men and women together, Sara is excited about helping them to split up.

Notice also during this sequence of Act 1A it's made clear to us that they are two people that have "convinced" themselves that they don't need another. Hitch is wrapped up in helping guys succeed with girls while telling his brother-in-law that such relationships are not "meant of everybody." And Sara makes it clear "I don't have time for a boyfriend."

2. Inciting Incident

Hitch discovers is challenged to hit on a girl in a bar. He goes home without her, however.  (Ideal 14 min. Actual 12)

3. Hitch Rejects the Journey...

...of going after a girl (the journey he's called to at 2.) He embraces the idea that with "no guile, and no game, there's no girl." But we sense he's unhappy about that. Yet he helps Albert, who is born without a game. (At 19 min Hitch decides to help Albert on his journey, and in that process we hear arguments that suggest Hitch should go on a journey for himself. One such line that reflects that happened at the Inciting Incident is Albert telling Hitch, "You know what it's like getting up every morning feeling hopeless?"

As soon as Hitch gets Albert to first base (and a first date with Allegra) we can now introduce Sara to Hitch. It begins at 26 minutes when Hitch notices Sara in the bar.

4. Act 1 Climax. 

Hitch crosses the bar (foreshadowing the threshold of the following scene) and approaches Sara with drinks in hand, only to be beaten by an amateur pickup artist that Hitch confronts and dismisses. He gets to know Sara a little bit (that she's a "gossip columnist at the Standard" but he keeps his real job ("consultant") a secret. (Ideal 28 min, Actual 28 when he first speaks to Sara. We see Hitch's game on in this scene, and a very different game that he uses on Sara in Act 3.  

5. Act 2A - Using the Negative side of the Moral Premise but Not Getting Anywhere.

Hitch goes after Sara, crossing the courtship threshold for real, using the negative side of the moral premise... keeping from Sara who he is or what he does. But he gives Munson his business card, which eventually will break open the veil of secrecy and doom him at the end of Act 2.) He pursues Sara, but there are secrets that don't make their courtship that successful, like who Sara's Great, great, great grandfather was "The Butcher" (it's a reverse of the secret he kept from her and she returns the favor by revealing a bit ore about her family secrets. Bummer!) Had Hitch told Sara where they were going, she might have mentioned ahead of time her relative The Butcher and who he really was, thus saving Hitch's game plan from grand embarrassment on the island. Nonetheless, Hitch assumes his principles of male-female relationships are still true, and he pursues a second date, to make up for the first one.

6. Moment of Grace. Hitch is confronted by Sara's boss at the Food Rave about his relationship to Allegra Cole and Albert Brennaman. Hitch dodges at first, but now recognizes what's going on. Max's next question has to do with what Hitch does, to which the chef's assistant comes by to serve them oysters. Hitch has an allergic reaction to the oysters and, as he's choking to death, manages to say: "You think that I’m in a stressful state...because I’m trying to make a good impression...while also dealing with my commitment issues...trying to avoid all these awkward conversations." Upon which Max's wife (the psychiatrist) says: "I think you're having an allergic reaction, which is exactly right, in two ways, physically to the oysters, and psychologically he's having an allergic reaction to Max's questions. Thus, a beautiful metaphor is made. Notice also that the allergic reaction to the Oyster throws Hitch off his game (as they trot off to the drug store to buy on the story's supply of Benadryl), and it reminds us of the first time Hitch's game was thrown a curve on Oyster Island (Ellis Island) when Hitch introduced Sara to her relative "The Butcher" (whom Hitch thought was like a cook, not dissimilar from the chef at the Food Rave that brings Hitch an Oyster). And finally notice that the allergic reaction has something to do with a woman named Allegra. None of this is coincidence, but 99.8% of the audience will only connect this stuff subliminally. The net result of all this is the Hitch realizes that keeping secrets is NOT getting him anywhere fast. In fact it's thrown him off his name TWICE.  (Ideal 56 min. Actual about 61.5 he knows something is up.)

7. Act 2B, the Protagonist makes progress using the positive side of the moral premise. 

On the way from the drug store, while drinking the store dry of Benadryl, they have this conversation:

SARA: I bet I can ask you just about anything right now.

HITCH: No. I'm a vault, baby. Locked down.

SARA: What is an heiress doing with a CPA?

HITCH: They're going to the Knicks game.

SARA: Yep, Fort Knox.

HITCH: He loves her so much!

SARA: I'm sure he does.

HITCH: I'm telling you, people search their whole lives trying to find the...reasons that we're here.

SARA: I wouldn't know.

HITCH: You would if you saw it.
SARA: Sometimes it's really hard to see the forest through the sleaze.

And that is Hitch (although he's partially drunk) using the positive side of the moral premise and revealing information in confidence. Does it work?

You bet. She invites him to her apartment and puts him to sleep on the couch. Ta! Da!

Later they begin to share more personal information, in confidence... although Sara, remember is a gossip columnist and he's going to be tempted to not stay too long near the center of the Nicomachean virtue... and reap the negative consequences as we'll see.

But at this point they both have turned the corner in their relationship and their romance takes positive steps.  

Later in this part of Act 2, Sara get's Hitch's business card from Munson, although she doesn't know that the card belongs to Hitch (there's no name....secrets...ah, the antagonistic force of keeping secrets is closing in for the Act 2 climax.) In other scenes, Albert kisses Allegra. Hitch gets third date with Sara lined up. In the meantime Sara has her gay co-worker call the "date doctor" and set up a meeting at the zoo, at which Sara watches from hiding to see who the "Date Doctor" is.

8. Act 2 Climax. Defeat at the Hand of the Antagonistic Force.  

At the zoo, Sara discovers that the Date Doctor is Hitch. She looses it.  Sara's boss tells her not to expose Hitch. Their third date is dinner at his place, and she ends up throwing vegetables at him and storms out. He's clueless. She does as front page story on Allegra, Albert, and Hitch; "Coach of the Year: Can this man get you in bed with Allegra Cole? A Sara Melas exclusive."  But she does and destroys the relationship between Allegra and Albert. This is a perfect example of the two vices of the moral premise that slam together and cause the end of Act 2--a near death experience. She leaves Hitch's place at 87 min. Her expose' story appears at 88 min, essentially killing several relationships. Ideal for this Act 2 Climax is 88 min. Actual Act 3 Climax ends at 88.4 min.

9. Act 3 Begins. Dark night of the soul.  

Sara is sad. She doesn't heed her boss' advice. Albert trashes newsstand when he sees Sara's article, and gets arrested. Hitch and Sara go at it at the speed-dating event that he crashes. It's all about "secrets" or trying to unravel them. It's "Hand to Hand combat".

SIDEBAR: Romantic Comedies (as in most comedies) set up an inappropriate goal. The inappropriate goal is the physical hook -- secretive date doctor chases gossip columnist. The hook is the lie that forces everything else in the story to seriously be truthful. This is "the lie that tells the truth". It's "the impossibility convincing told." The hook is the humorous situation, which, when everybody else in the story takes serious, creates humor. I LOVE LUCY worked totally on this premise. Lucy was always trying things with Ethel that we all knew were impossible -- and Ricky told her so. Seeing Lucy taking herself seriously in a stupid situation, and seeing Ricky reacting like we were, was what was funny, especially when Lucy get the last laugh through something that was always there but we didn't see. And the surprise ending was never the hook. It was just kept secret from the audience, and usually from Lucy, too.

This speed-dating scene is a perfect example. Both Sara and Hitch are so serious, they're mad. But the situation is hilarious, because the filmmakers surrounded Sara and Hitch with a naturally funny setting--speed dating for the inept, the insecure and the dating-invalids. It's also a good example of foreground and background action, both reinforcing the moral premise while advancing the story on two levels. Essentially the background chatter is either the inner dialogue of the foreground actors, or an explanation of the metaphors taking place. Example:

BACKGROUND MAN: "I did ice climbing once."

(a metaphor for what is going on in the foreground as Hitch is climbing an iceberg named Sara)

BACKGROUND MAN: "The sun comes up, the ice really starts to fall apart."

(when the truth be told relationships fall apart).

BACKGROUND MAN: "Basically, I like outdoors sports; but indoor sports have their place, too."

(Sara and Hitch's first date was an outside sport on personal watercrafts on the Hudson. What they're doing now uses personal attack-crafts in a small room.)

BACKGROUND MATRON: "This is really kind of distracting. And I haven't gotten laid in a year!"

(Actually, that's true of most everyone in this room. Thank you for that insight.)

END SIDEBAR

Moving along. Part of Act 3A is a Chris Vogler beat called "Resurrection." In HITCH this beat occurs when Sara comes to Hitch to apologize. But he's leaving town. Albert comes to commiserate and challenges Hitch to walk the talk. Albert is in love and he challenges Hitch to that same goal.

ALBERT: "You're selling this stuff, but you don't believe in your own product."

HITCH: Love is my life.

ALBERT: No. Love is your job. (99.7min)

This is something that Hitch began to learn back at his MOG, but now he sees it more deeply. And so, Hitch springs into action.

On Allegra's yacht, Hitch confesses all to Allegra and then Albert and Allegra make up.

10. Final Incident. 

Hitch goes to Sara's apartment and at her front door his game is way off. She enjoys seeing him that way. He asks her to close the door, when he really fumbles. But then she opens it and he see's there's another man in her apartment helping Sara leave her apartment for a trip. This is the final attack by the antagonistic force (KEEPING SECRETS) that Sara doesn't immediately share the truth with Hitch about. (Ideal about 102 min. Actual begins at 104 min.)

11. Final Battle.

Hitch chases after Sara in the street, and almost gets himself killed jumping on the car.

SARA: Are you trying to get yourself killed?

HITCH: If that's what it takes....because that's what people do. They leap and hope to God they can fly. Because otherwise we just drop like a rock wondering the whole way down: "Why in the hell did I jump?" But here I am, Sara, falling. And there's only one person that makes me feel like I can fly. That's you.

12. Victory.  (GAME ON) The kiss...

 And then (and only then) does Sara introduce the man... Tom, her sister's husband. Sara and Hitch kiss again, for real.  

13. Denouement: Allegra and Albert's wedding. Hitch: "The basic principles? There are none."  (see he started out telling us there were secret principles. now he admits that the best policy is not to keep secrets.)  End song, "Now that we've found love, what will we do with it."